> Number 9
> A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
> As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a
> woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
> They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says,
> "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
> forgive me."
> She replies, "if your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
>
> Number 8
> A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
> "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
> "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
> "6 shots! Are you celebrating something?"
> "Yeah, my first blowjob."
> "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
> "No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste,
> Nothing will."
>
> Number 7
> A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated
> next to a gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she
> is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
> He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting
> book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American
> Indians have the longest average dick and Polish men have the biggest
> average diameter.
> By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
> He coolly replies, "Tonto Kowalski, nice to meet you."
>
> Number 6
> One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps
> his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns
> over and says:
> "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow
> and I want to stay fresh."
> The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few
> minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
> This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist
> appointment tomorrow too?"
>
> Number 5
> Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for
> a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife
> that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his
> dick into the pickle slicer.
> His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk
> about it, but Bill indicated that he would be too embarrassed.
> He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
> One day a few weeks later, Bill came home ashen.
> His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
> "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
> "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge
> to put my dick into the pickle slicer?"
> "Oh, Bill, you didn't."
> "Yes, I did."
> "My God, Bill, what happened?"
> "I got fired."
> "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
> "Oh...she got fired too."
>
> Number 4
> A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a
> coma for several years. On this visit, he decides to rub her left
> breast instead of just talking to her.
> On doing this, she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells
> the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try
> rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.
> The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan
> from his wife. The doctor suggests the man should go in and try oral
> sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he
> doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.
> The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white
> as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead.
> The doctor asks what happen to which the man replies:
> "She choked."
>
> Number 3
> A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.
> He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
> patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I will open this alligator's mouth and
> place my genitals inside. Then the 'gator will close his mouth for
> one minute.
> He will then open his mouth and I will remove my unit unscathed.
> In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a
> drink."
> The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar,
> dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's
> open mouth. The 'gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a
> minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator
> hard on the top of its head. The 'gator opened his mouth and the man
> removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
> The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
> The man stood up again and made another offer.
> "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
> A hush fell over the crowd.
> After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
> A blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not
> to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
>
> Number 2
> A small white guy get into an elevator, when he gets in he
> notices a huge black guy standing next to him. The big dude looks down
> upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick,
> 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball,Turner Brown"
> The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy,
> brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the
> small guy.
> "What's wrong?"
> The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The
> big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick,
> 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."
> The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said "Turn
> around."
>
> Number 1
> A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
> breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his
> wife,
> "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
> "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting
> here at this breakfast table together."
> "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked
> as jaybirds fifty years ago."
> "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get
> naked?"
> Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the
> table.
> "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
> nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
> "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee
> and the other is in your porridge!"
>
>
