Oh my, the very thought of such a contest brings tears to my eyes; if it ever comes off, make sure to bring some mint sauce to daub liberally about your head because it truly will be ...like a lamb to the slaughter.
As the doors of the arena swung open, the females in the establishment would behold, one man and ...... and ...... hmmm, I need to scrape the bottom of my dictionary here to try and describe you .... especially in relation to me.
Your puny little body would be starkly contrasted against my 17 stone of hardened muscle, honed and toned to produce the ultimate package for the discriminating females of planet earth.
Of course, you may well attract the sympathy vote, or even the pet vote, females are prone to this type of weakness but on the other hand, it does allow you at least, or people like you [hobbits], to procure a shag of sorts and thus proliferate your offspring into a contrasting, adult world of others.
I of course am a lot older than you but it seems the human species seems to be largely motivated by what we see and seeing as I only look 35, and I know you look 35 too but whereas my number refers to years, yours refers to inches and thus any age advantage you may have evaporates in the face of such a terrible case of hobbititis.
It's a tough life dude, but someone's gotta live it