Predictions for 2004

[sjt19]

Bob Long, Robbo, Sergei, Laurent, Baldwin, Lane and Chuck get marooned on a desert island in an "Im a paintball celebrity get me out of here!" show......Bob Long wins by using his hunting skills and killing all of the other contestants, bar Robbo, who loses a wrestling match with a bear and gets eaten by the prowling Bob Long

Com, T.B.F.K.A.T.L and le pig are outraged at another show which portrays paintball in a bad light, and debate the benefits of writing an open letter to the producers of said above TV show.

TJ ridicules them, and then Baca Loco has the last laugh by deleting their threads.

 

[Gogger]

All sports centres world wide try to attract paintball tourny organisers by painting all fields/pitches/grounds bright pink so as to not cause a clean-up problem.

Top pro teams fight it out to see who will be the first to use Splatmasters.

I lose 5 stone on the slim-fast diet.

Massive £££ handout to all UK teams from the lottery fund.

Mark becker (Pimp$) removes his head from his a*se

 

[shamu]

The Mil series cleans up it's reffing problems by importing a highly trained crew of American refs.

Smart Parts announces a superdooper new 2004 marker that chronos itself. The marker doesn't come out until 2005. The first batch fall apart as soon as they're taken out of the box and marker never work right. Smart Parts sue WDP when WDP produces a working self-chrono marker.

Paintball makes it to television. No one outside paintball notices.

Russian Legion wins a NPPL event.

Dye patents barrel-making technology, licenses Smart Parts to make barrels and sues everyone else.

NPPL professional rules are changed to include drinking - losing team has to shotgun one beer, winning team has to shotgun two beers between games. Joy Division wins event when entire Dynasty team passes out after second game.

Robbo's decision to hire Bob Long as personal bodyguard at NPPL events backfires when Bob launches pre-emptive strike on Rage, kills entire team and has them stuffed.

Lane takes more crap from disgruntled PSP players when he refuses to hire personal valets for each player. Rookie teams complain about unfair treatment.

Pink paint outlawed. Evil produces first acid-filled paintball.

David Beckham ditches soccer (OK, "football") for high-paying career in paintball. Says Beckham "It's the sport of the future."

 

[KillerOnion]

Hrm...

Hefner buys the NPPL, adds an I and an E in there somewhere, and actually makes the darn thing profitable. The players' parties improve 3000000%, with the DVD's and pay per view of the party selling for 3x the profit of the tournament itself.

DYE, KAPP, SP and JT release the exact same barrel, jersey, and pack on the same day--lawyers collect enough fees in the first month to buy them each a house in Tahiti--so they take off with the money and call the it a draw. Players buy the gear anyway, not knowing who to blame.

 

[T.B.F.K.A.T.L.]

French team actually recieve a bad call against a British team, by french marshals at Toulouse. British team captain is shocked and argues the decision with the french ultimate through habit.

US miltary decide to test the hardness of Zap chronic, dropping a ball from the edge of space. resulting crater is 43 miles wide and 18 miles deep. Zap ball is found unbroken at the bottom. Jewelry industry are now ultilising the hardness of said ball for cutting diamonds.

Smartparts patent grass and air thus eliminating sup-air except under thier conditions. Judge awards them the case and orders god to pay damages in excess of 400 billion. Gardiner brothers retire to the moon on the proceeds.

God smites the Gardiner brothers and leaves them stranded on the moon after destroying thier escape craft. Nobody notices except for Quacking plums and little jon, who organise a rescue plan. Plan fails when the get Jose to work out the maths part of the plan and they all get pissed instead.

 

[sjt19]

Zap fnially admits that their paint stains, and start producing non staining paint.

Smart Parts invents a gun that actually fires straight

Smart Parts Europe finally discover the small room at the back of the warehouse is actually a service department and manage to finally service a gun properly

On our paintball trip to California, Tommy Gun realizes at the airport that he has in fact forgotten to bring his paintball kit.

Baca Loco is nominated and awarded the nobel peace prize for all the fearless peacemaking moderating that he does for little appreciation and no reward.

Sam and Colby Keats turn up to a tournament already having sorted out a lift home for the end of the day.

 

[MrPink]

Monkey Love become reformed Alcoholics and actually walk the fields before an event.

Dynasty then employ Monkey Love to coach them in Drinking habits so that they can win a tournement under Shamu's new rules

Sam Telfer manages to not criticse something for ten whole minutes

TJ finally admits that he has never played paintball in his life - and is in fact a twelve year old Girl from Wisconsin

Piper talks to me at an event for longer than 5 seconds before falling asleep!

Ok, ok, that last one will never happen

 

[Piper]

TL actually says something that people want to hear.

Sam Telford will not win a thing but his team will mow!

Millennium Series will get something right.

Russian Legion to win first Millennium event of 2004

Jamie Abbott's ego will become so large he will not be able to stand up.

Bowen will survive a game without being shot and will marry a 66 old women (cos he likes the young ones)

Robbo to finally get WWE contract that he has been after for years. See going to the gym does pay off!

TJ to make an apperance on Jay Leno show!

Rancid to make big return to playing and win World Cup with his team!

 

[Tom Tom]

A new Paintball is invented which is played in zero gravity.

WDP recruit novice UK teams and give them all the latest Angel to play as many tourneys as they like

Paintballs retirement age hits 17

You can only be good at this sport if you are under 15 and voice has not broken

McDonalds becomes healthy and the better alternative to junk food.

Sexy Girls from "those" mags find short, fat ugly men who play paintball to the dissy hights of novice extremly attractive and want to do nothing more than model to support the balling habit and then.........OK i'll stop there.

 

[Baca Loco]

Are we having fun yet?

Lookin' good with the exception of the few forays into predictions aimed solely at individuals. Think big and find somewhere else to take your shots at friends, family and opponents. Otherwise I'll have to start trimmin' the fat, so to speak, and I'm just too lazy. So behave.

Example, T-L's first post. Spot on. T-L's second post, not so much.