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dr.strangelove

dr.strangelove

PrematurelyPost-Traumatic
Sep 14, 2002
1,499
0
61
Earth
Sam has been a stock broker for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 10 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded and burly Vermonter standing there.

"Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from two miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday at 7... Thought you'd like to come."

"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem... After 25 years on Wall Street, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

"Damn," Sam thinks... "Tough crowd." "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."

"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there... By the way, what should I wear?"

Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
 
dr.strangelove

dr.strangelove

PrematurelyPost-Traumatic
Sep 14, 2002
1,499
0
61
Earth
A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar of money on the counter. He asks the bartender,
"What's the money for?"
The bartender says,
"We're giving it to the first guy who knocks out that security guard, pulls the teeth out of a pitbul and screws an 80 year old woman"
Without saying a word, the guy goes over, punches the security guard knocking him out cold. He goes outside, and the bartender hears garbage cans flying, car alarms going off, glass shattering, and the loud wimper of a dog. The guy comes back into the bar and says,
"Alright, now where's this 80 year old woman who's teeth I'm supposed to pull out
 
Cassidy James

Cassidy James

Kamakazi Runner
Dec 15, 2002
71
0
0
Redding, CA
www.newgrounds.com
OK:

There is an African Ambassador in Russia, and he wants 2 play Russian Roulet. The Russian Ambassador points a gun to his head, pulls, and nothing fires. The African Ambassador says "This sure if fun, but let's go down to Africa and play African Roulet!" The Russian Ambassador agrees and they go to Africa, where the African Ambassador takes him to 6 nude women.
The African says, "Any of these girls will suck your thing."
So the Russian asks, "How is this Roulet?"
The African replies, "One of them in a Cannabal."
 
Mikey D

Mikey D

I suck
Sep 14, 2002
2,087
57
83
39
Birmingham
Three Texas surgeons were arguing as to who had the greatest skill.

The first began: "Three years ago, I reattached seven fingers on a
pianist. He went on to give a recital for the Queen of England."

The second replied: "That's nothing. I attended a man in a car
accident. All his arms and legs were severed from his body. Two years
after I reattached them, he won three gold medals for field events in the Olympics."

The third said: "A few years back, I attended to a cowboy. He was
high on cocaine and alcohol when he rode his horse head-on into
a Santa Fe freight train travelling at 100 miles per hour. All I had to
work with was the horse's ass and a ten gallon hat. two years ago, he
became president of the United States."
 
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