How Funny are Paintballers?
- Thread starter weedave
- Start date
Ill start it with some Blonde Jokes 
Q: A Blonde a Brunett jumped off a Cliff, who hit the ground first?
A: The Brunett, the Blonde stopped and asked for Directions.
Q: What do you call a Clever Blonde?
A: A Golden Retriever
A Brunett walked into the Doctors Surgery because her body was sore. She said " Doctor, everytime i touch apart of my body, its hurts! " So the Doctor had her touch her arm, leg and stomach and everytime she let out a small " Aow! ".
So the Doctor examined her for about 5 Minutes then asked
Doctor: Have you died your hair?
Woman: Yeh im naturally blonde
Doctor: Yeh Your fingers broke!
Q: What goes Blonde, Brown, Blonde, Brown, Blonde Brown, Blonde?
A: A Blonde doing a Cartwheel.
lol!
Dave
EDIT: I hope all you Blonde Peeps take No offence to this. Just a few meaningless Jokes
Q: A Blonde a Brunett jumped off a Cliff, who hit the ground first?
A: The Brunett, the Blonde stopped and asked for Directions.
Q: What do you call a Clever Blonde?
A: A Golden Retriever
A Brunett walked into the Doctors Surgery because her body was sore. She said " Doctor, everytime i touch apart of my body, its hurts! " So the Doctor had her touch her arm, leg and stomach and everytime she let out a small " Aow! ".
So the Doctor examined her for about 5 Minutes then asked
Doctor: Have you died your hair?
Woman: Yeh im naturally blonde
Doctor: Yeh Your fingers broke!
Q: What goes Blonde, Brown, Blonde, Brown, Blonde Brown, Blonde?
A: A Blonde doing a Cartwheel.
lol!
Dave
EDIT: I hope all you Blonde Peeps take No offence to this. Just a few meaningless Jokes
Guy walks into a doctors surgery and says to the doctor
'Theirs something wrong with my wife and its one of 2 things. She's either got a really nasty infection dowstairs or a heart problem and i cant for the life of me work out which one it is.'
To which the doctor replied
' I see well i'll tell you what send her on a ten mile run and if she gets back then dont shag her.
Q : How do u know if a blonde has been on the computor
A : There's tipex all over the screen
Damn i've run out of jokes the wont get me banned from the forums for ever oh well.
Dito bout not wanting to offend no one, but thats the great thing, no one can beat u up over the net.
'Theirs something wrong with my wife and its one of 2 things. She's either got a really nasty infection dowstairs or a heart problem and i cant for the life of me work out which one it is.'
To which the doctor replied
' I see well i'll tell you what send her on a ten mile run and if she gets back then dont shag her.
Q : How do u know if a blonde has been on the computor
A : There's tipex all over the screen
Damn i've run out of jokes the wont get me banned from the forums for ever oh well.
Dito bout not wanting to offend no one, but thats the great thing, no one can beat u up over the net.
ah jesus i no
i will hear all these jokes again on friday nite
ok here ya go and i promise i wont say i gave ya it
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
ya no i think u r jealous of my other post and r just going to take the piss with this 1
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A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.
Doctor: ''I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.''
St. Peter: ''That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?''
Nurse: ''I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.''
St. Peter: ''Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?''
Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: ''I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.''
St. Peter: ''Oh, I see. Please go in...but you can only stay two nights!''
i will hear all these jokes again on friday nite
ok here ya go and i promise i wont say i gave ya it
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
ya no i think u r jealous of my other post and r just going to take the piss with this 1 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.
Doctor: ''I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.''
St. Peter: ''That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?''
Nurse: ''I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.''
St. Peter: ''Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?''
Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: ''I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.''
St. Peter: ''Oh, I see. Please go in...but you can only stay two nights!''
A guy walks into a pub and asks for a quadruple whiskey and knocks it back in one. He then orders another and downs that one too. When he asks for another, the barman warns him to go easy. The man replies " I have just caught my wife shagging my best friend on the living room floor, so just give me another sodding drink" So the barman pours him another and says
"What did you do when you caught them?"
" Well I am not normally a violent man but I was so disgusted with what I saw, I beat the living crap out of my wife, then threw her out of the house."
The barman is a little stunned with this confession but pours another drink for the guy and asks
"If thats what you did to to your wife, what did you do to your best friend?"
" I looked him straight in the eyes and shouted " Bad doggy!""
"What did you do when you caught them?"
" Well I am not normally a violent man but I was so disgusted with what I saw, I beat the living crap out of my wife, then threw her out of the house."
The barman is a little stunned with this confession but pours another drink for the guy and asks
"If thats what you did to to your wife, what did you do to your best friend?"
" I looked him straight in the eyes and shouted " Bad doggy!""
Little Johnny is spending a few precious moment with his dying father.
" Daddy I am so proud of you. You have been battling cancer for months now and you have been so brave. But one thing I dont understand is why you are telling everyone you are dying of AIDS?"
The father grips little Johnny's hand and says
" Well I dont want any other bugger shagging your mum when I am gone"
" Daddy I am so proud of you. You have been battling cancer for months now and you have been so brave. But one thing I dont understand is why you are telling everyone you are dying of AIDS?"
The father grips little Johnny's hand and says
" Well I dont want any other bugger shagging your mum when I am gone"
ok, hope this isnt risky....
Pres Bush calls Superman after the space shuttle accident and asks him why he didnt save all the astronaughts, to which Superman replys 'because i'm in a f**king wheelchair you c*nt!!'
Pres Bush calls Superman after the space shuttle accident and asks him why he didnt save all the astronaughts, to which Superman replys 'because i'm in a f**king wheelchair you c*nt!!'
Originally posted by ABBA
Pres Bush calls Superman after the space shuttle accident and asks him why he didnt save all the astronaughts, to which Superman replys 'because i'm in a f**king wheelchair you c*nt!!'
Very very funny mate, had me nearly off the seat lol