Well, apart from having predicted and explained what was going to happen, maybe a little insight into the life of one of UK's pro players may help, even if it is a hypothetical insight. I will add however, this is not all our pros, some are cool and work hard but I think we all know which ones will fit the bill :-
Interviewer: Hi, I'm from the media and I'd like to find out a little about your life as a professional paintball player in the UK.
UK Pro : Yo dude, go for it.....
Interviewer: Oh........sorry, I thought you were English?
UK Pro: Yeh I am dude but this is how I speak now, ya know man, it's part of it bro....
Interviewer: Hmmmmm, I see, OK, well I'd like to begin by admitting, I didn't know paintball was so developed in the UK in having professional players. I certainly don't wanna appear invasive but what does the average UK professional player earn?
UK Pro : Er......er...we don't actually earn nefin' bro, we play hard ball coz dat's out life man, we live da life, no wot I meeen dog?
Interviewer: Yes, I think I'm beginning to know....man.....well, if you don't actually earn any money, why do you think you are called 'professional'?
UK Pro : Dunno really man, cud be becoz we're dat good and we like to give it da billy big 'un wiv all tha ams and them there novice saddos.
Interviewer: Ams and novices? do you mean the guys who play tourney paintball who aren't pro?
UK Pro: Yehhh bro, them looooooosers !!
Interviewer: Hold on a minute here, you just said you don't get paid to play either, and in anybody's book, that means you too are an amateur player.
What do you say to that?
UKPro: .............................. hmmmmm ...........................hmmmmm... what's ya next question dooode?
Interviewer: Ok, so you don’t earn any money and so you are not a pro, what support do you get then?
UK Pro: Ahhh man, we get our bullets and gats and some expenses paid for like in sponsorship deals we got.
Interviewer: I see, and how do these supporting companies see a return on their investment into your team?
UK Pro: Duuuuude, we pay them companies back sooo damn much it hurts us, yeh, they giv us all dat sh!t coz we advertise them when people see us at tourneys and in the magazines.
We're soo damn good dog, we deserve so much more.
Interviewer: …I’m sorry to say, I haven’t see you in any of the international magazines and when I came to a recent event where you guys were playing, nobody gave a damn about you, the only interest I could fathom was in whatever American players were playing and a Swedish team called Joy Division. And I doubt any of the magazines are going to cover you until you actually win something, which from an outsider’s point of view isn’t going to happen this side of the next galactic contraction.
UK Pro: We ain’t in any of them magazines coz of that Robbo, he keeps us out otherwise we would be all over them, trust me bro, it’s him, he keeps us out.
Interviewer: I see, well, I have heard of him, …… but how do you explain the other big publications not mentioning you at all then???
UK Pro: Oh…yeh…good point, well, hmmmmm... they are not mentioning us becoz …. becoz…well…we ain’t won anyfin and we ain’t good enuff to play the yank leagues and..
Interviewer: I think I get the picture, thank you. OK, so, we have established you are basically an amateur player who likes to be called pro but in fact, isn't one. Anyway, let's move on; being one of the UK's finest paintball players, you must have won a lot of titles, can you tell us how many and which ones.
UK Pro: Oh yeah man, I got loads, 3 years ago I won the Skelmersdale 5 man and then there was......hmmm, can't seem to remember .... sorry dude, I'll have to get back to ya on dat one.
Interviewer: Well, I wish you hadn’t overwhelmed me with so many titles and I’ll try to get over the avalanche but I heard some years ago that UK ball was quite good in that we were the top guys in Europe, is this still the case?
UK Pro: er....er.....well ya know how it goes bro.....sometimes up, sometimes down, I think we are like hovering just underneath the top spots.
Interviewer: Exactly how many places underneath the top spots?
UK Pro: I fink we are like 67th place in Europe now.
Interviewer: 67th eh?...I don't think there are 67 countries in Europe Mr Pro Player but I take it from that, we aren't doing that good and you didn't attend any geography classes.
UK Pro: U dissin me man? I coodn't do them geog classes coz I'm a baller man, a baller thru and thru, we live the life ya know, it's in our blood. Yo, mofo, [attempts to high five the interviewer] doooooode, dog, gat, blah blah blah
Interviewer: I am not actually disrespecting you no, it seems you can achieve that quite well yourself but I sense a few Americanisms creeping subtly into your answers, why are you speaking like this when you come from Kingston, Surrey.
UK Pro: Oh Man, leeeeave it out, dis is how we speak if we wanna be a pro, everyone knows dat you mofo.
Interviewer: Did you just call me mofo?
UK Pro: yeh I did, wha choo gonna do bout dat then you dog mofo?
Interviewer cracks UK Pro on jaw!
UK Pro : Begins to cry uncontrollably, boo hoo, boo hoo. Where’s my mummy, you ain’t sposed to do that……..why you hit me…ref...ref...ref..help me ! mummy? anybody? - it hurts.
Interviewer: Why did I hit you? You called me a mofo, that’s why and if you insult me again, I’m going to hurt you again, do you understand Bro????
UK Pro: sniffles loudly…yes, sorry man, that insult bounced off the bunker man, I’m sorry, please don’t hit me again…..
Interviewer: I think it’s time we ended this interview, here wipe your face, you should be used to doing that, now run along little boy, do some growing up and come back in ten zillion years when you won something...idiot !
