todays cheers up joke is....

[bruce]

.....

A woman was in a coma; she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her
room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area
and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she
touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small,
recognizable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "crazy
as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out
of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured that they'd close the curtains
for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few
minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked".





bruce

 

[duffistuta]

Titanic hits iceberg.

 

[Intheno]

I don't get it.

Why would the woman be choking?
Did Lee from Red Heat hear that she had been talking **** about him? Hold on a minute? Was the husband actually Lee from red heat in disguise and the Docs actually let him in there to 'take care' of her?

That blabbermouth osteo guy doesn't know how lucky he was....

 

[Flash-Bugout]

The ultimate chatup line:

Does this cloth smell of chloroform to you darlin'?

 

[fuzzy juzzy]

A guy is hiking though a field at night when it is pissing it down and comes across a farm house, so he knocks on the door and asks the farmer if its ok to stay the night and leave first thing in the morning.

The farmer agrees but states "if you go anywhere near my daughter you will recieve the 3 worst things in the world"

The guy think "Um ... ok shouldn't b hard, no problem"

In the middle of the night this stunning naked girl comes into his room wanting him and they have great sex and she goes back to her room.

The guy thinks to himself: "that was great and the farmer was asleep, i got away with it.

When he wakes up in the morning he's encountered with a boulder sitting on his chest which says...
"3 worst thing in the world: boulder on chest!"

The thinks "huh!?!" walks over to the window and throws it out ..... but as he releases it he sees another message on it that says...
"2nd worst thing in the world: left bollock tied to boulder"

He looks down thinks "s**t! s**t! what do i do" and decides to jump as its only 1 floor down.

but on his way down he sees, writen on the side of house...
"1st worst thing in the world: right bollock tied to bedpost!"

 

[Dusty]

SAS officer walks into a bar and says to a pretty blonde,

fancy a shag luv?? i'm special forces, be in and out before you know it!!

 

[Intheno]

...

 

[Twisty]

I actually dont get the first joke.... .seriously........

 

[p8ntballking]

When he wakes up in the morning he's encountered with a boulder sitting on his chest which says...
"3 worst thing in the world: boulder on chest!"

The thinks "huh!?!" walks over to the window and throws it out ..... but as he releases it he sees another message on it that says...
"2nd worst thing in the world: left bollock tied to boulder"

He looks down thinks "s**t! s**t! what do i do" and decides to jump as its only 1 floor down.

but on his way down he sees, writen on the side of house...
"1st worst thing in the world: right bollock tied to bedpost!"

A woman was in a coma; she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her
room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area
and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she
touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small,
recognizable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "crazy
as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out
of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured that they'd close the curtains
for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few
minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked".

LMAO

 

[p8ntballking]

he thinks the nurse meant for her to give him oral not the other way round and she chokes on his fallous

there solved