Paintball Stories
- Thread starter Al Woods
- Start date
now THAT
is some funny **** Blakey.
This one is a quickie, I promise.
Mayhem 2000 (yes, again). First biggie, we caused a few upsets, we didn't know what we were doing but seemed to do ok. Next game, a team called the Berserks...?? who?? we thought, at the time they were considered quite a decent team, we didn't know any better. Game on!! My brother (Skidder) is a lazy bast'd, forgot to air up, pot up and even forgot his pot pack. We stood at breakout, ****ting ourselves and Skid pipes up "I've forgotten everything".... he then decides to bunker three of them off the break, we then go on to panic our way through the game and manage to beat them. So, we're all pumped thinking this is great until the judges pipe up "minus 50 points, Skid had decided to turn his gun off" then again "minus another 50" I had a loose max-flow. So, it ended up the Berserks had more points for losing.
Dicks.
is some funny **** Blakey.
This one is a quickie, I promise.
Mayhem 2000 (yes, again). First biggie, we caused a few upsets, we didn't know what we were doing but seemed to do ok. Next game, a team called the Berserks...?? who?? we thought, at the time they were considered quite a decent team, we didn't know any better. Game on!! My brother (Skidder) is a lazy bast'd, forgot to air up, pot up and even forgot his pot pack. We stood at breakout, ****ting ourselves and Skid pipes up "I've forgotten everything".... he then decides to bunker three of them off the break, we then go on to panic our way through the game and manage to beat them. So, we're all pumped thinking this is great until the judges pipe up "minus 50 points, Skid had decided to turn his gun off" then again "minus another 50" I had a loose max-flow. So, it ended up the Berserks had more points for losing.
Dicks.
Now this one really takes the piss.....!
For the sake of the individulas concerned I shall not name them, however rest assured I know them all really well.
Ok, take a deep breath, and please before I continue do not have a drink in your hands when you read this.
We ( Sad ) had made the trip up North for one of Bully's events at Elsham, Can't remember which one, whatever, any way we are in a convoy heading home on the M1, one of the cars was a Hyundi penis substitute, in this car were 5 players, crammed in the back, was a player that I shall refer to as the gimp. NOW WE HAD BEEN STUCK IN TRAFFIC FOR ABOUT A HOUR OR SO, when the gimp starts complaining of needing to take a pee, like where when you're stuck on the M1 in the outside lane. So said driver of car suggests using an empty 2 ltr coke bottle, the gimp thinks this over, needs must etc. By the way I'm driving a sensible car a few cars back, traffic starts to clear and things start to spped up a little, I move into the inside lane and pull alongside friends car and notice much hilarity. Mobile phone informs us of situation. Ne way the gimp decides that holding a bottle of warm fluid in a cramped car for a couple of hours is a bit much so winds down the window and empties the contents onto the tarmac, ......................................................................................................problem was they were doing almost 100mph at the time, and the fluid vaporised, my passengers almost had heart failure as they saw an escort convertable, with the roof down emerge from the cloud with a rather bemused driver at the wheel.
For the sake of the individulas concerned I shall not name them, however rest assured I know them all really well.
Ok, take a deep breath, and please before I continue do not have a drink in your hands when you read this.
We ( Sad ) had made the trip up North for one of Bully's events at Elsham, Can't remember which one, whatever, any way we are in a convoy heading home on the M1, one of the cars was a Hyundi penis substitute, in this car were 5 players, crammed in the back, was a player that I shall refer to as the gimp. NOW WE HAD BEEN STUCK IN TRAFFIC FOR ABOUT A HOUR OR SO, when the gimp starts complaining of needing to take a pee, like where when you're stuck on the M1 in the outside lane. So said driver of car suggests using an empty 2 ltr coke bottle, the gimp thinks this over, needs must etc. By the way I'm driving a sensible car a few cars back, traffic starts to clear and things start to spped up a little, I move into the inside lane and pull alongside friends car and notice much hilarity. Mobile phone informs us of situation. Ne way the gimp decides that holding a bottle of warm fluid in a cramped car for a couple of hours is a bit much so winds down the window and empties the contents onto the tarmac, ......................................................................................................problem was they were doing almost 100mph at the time, and the fluid vaporised, my passengers almost had heart failure as they saw an escort convertable, with the roof down emerge from the cloud with a rather bemused driver at the wheel.
ok this story happened at the Amsterdam leg of the millenium series, it was also published in PGI so you may have already read it but here goes........
At the hotel we were booked into the owner sadly died, the day we were supposed to check in was the day of the funeral. so we were put up in the hotels other hotel in the city centre.
we turned up at our second hotel the next day after a days playing. we checked in. me and bob went to our room, and the rest of the guys paired off into their rooms. however their must have been some kind of mix up because when two of our team members opened their door they did not believe what they saw.
The room was full of flowers, had the dead mans suit lying on the bed, and a strange dead smell in the air. yes you guessed it this was the room all the relatives had paid there respects just hours earlyer.
All the two guys got in compinsation was a drink at the bar.
At the hotel we were booked into the owner sadly died, the day we were supposed to check in was the day of the funeral. so we were put up in the hotels other hotel in the city centre.
we turned up at our second hotel the next day after a days playing. we checked in. me and bob went to our room, and the rest of the guys paired off into their rooms. however their must have been some kind of mix up because when two of our team members opened their door they did not believe what they saw.
The room was full of flowers, had the dead mans suit lying on the bed, and a strange dead smell in the air. yes you guessed it this was the room all the relatives had paid there respects just hours earlyer.
All the two guys got in compinsation was a drink at the bar.
Drink
Cameronians decide to play shoot the rainbow in Wolverhampton, prior to this Big Sid asks Red Bull if they would consider sponsoring our mighty and keen Scottish Team.
They say no, although they send 48 cans of Red Bull as a gesture of goodwill, very nice people.
Well, with Red Bull being a stimulate drink we put our serious tournament heads on and bought 2 litres of vodka and 24 cans of lager for the mini-bus journey down.
By the time we hit Carlisle the cans are finished and we are using a KFC phantom menace cup for the vodka, now, there are only 2 of us doing the drinking. Okay we have to do the piss stop thing so we stop on the M6 and jump a fence, Sid walks down a hill and starts to do the thing that comes natural when drinking lager, out pops Beavis, the man with a co** that looks like a baby's arm hanging out a pram and decides he wants to rugby tackle Sid, as he runs towards sid he starts screaming, this alerts sid to the heavily tackled Beavis and in a split second sid moves to one side, as Beavis runs passed he fails to notice the small river of shi** flowing from the farmers field and at the last moment jumps this flow of crap, as he stands proud on the other bank gravity kicks in and beavis falls straight back into the river of stinkin sh**. Lying wet and stinkin he sobers up.
He walks back to the mini bus stinking of farmers poo, he strips off and gets a pair of cargos from one of the other guys, what the guy forgot to tell him was that there was no GUSSET in the pants as he found out whilst sitting in a service station across from some shall we say older ladies, for the rest of the journey we used a different cup for the vodka and used another star wars cup for the toilet facilities, which was then thrown from the window, sometimes splashing back due to wind onto the face of a sleeping former player (no names) Well, we lost EVERY GAME of the tournament but the memories will live in my mind forever.
Thank you Beavis for one of the best laughs ever.
If you would like to sponsor the ever popular and very serious Clan (formally the Cameronians) we will be more than happy to promote your products.....
Al see you at the Indoors mate.
Sid
Cameronians decide to play shoot the rainbow in Wolverhampton, prior to this Big Sid asks Red Bull if they would consider sponsoring our mighty and keen Scottish Team.
They say no, although they send 48 cans of Red Bull as a gesture of goodwill, very nice people.
Well, with Red Bull being a stimulate drink we put our serious tournament heads on and bought 2 litres of vodka and 24 cans of lager for the mini-bus journey down.
By the time we hit Carlisle the cans are finished and we are using a KFC phantom menace cup for the vodka, now, there are only 2 of us doing the drinking. Okay we have to do the piss stop thing so we stop on the M6 and jump a fence, Sid walks down a hill and starts to do the thing that comes natural when drinking lager, out pops Beavis, the man with a co** that looks like a baby's arm hanging out a pram and decides he wants to rugby tackle Sid, as he runs towards sid he starts screaming, this alerts sid to the heavily tackled Beavis and in a split second sid moves to one side, as Beavis runs passed he fails to notice the small river of shi** flowing from the farmers field and at the last moment jumps this flow of crap, as he stands proud on the other bank gravity kicks in and beavis falls straight back into the river of stinkin sh**. Lying wet and stinkin he sobers up.
He walks back to the mini bus stinking of farmers poo, he strips off and gets a pair of cargos from one of the other guys, what the guy forgot to tell him was that there was no GUSSET in the pants as he found out whilst sitting in a service station across from some shall we say older ladies, for the rest of the journey we used a different cup for the vodka and used another star wars cup for the toilet facilities, which was then thrown from the window, sometimes splashing back due to wind onto the face of a sleeping former player (no names
) Well, we lost EVERY GAME of the tournament but the memories will live in my mind forever.Thank you Beavis for one of the best laughs ever.
If you would like to sponsor the ever popular and very serious Clan (formally the Cameronians) we will be more than happy to promote your products.....
Al see you at the Indoors mate.
Sid
Always take a scotsmans advice when it comes to three girls asking you to go 'upstairs' in a club.... hey hardie!
Just a coincidence... my old team Hardcore back in South Africa also approached Red Bull for sponsorship, they declined and also gave us exactly 48 cans of Red Bull!
