paintball jokes?
- Thread starter fuzzy juzzy
- Start date
The irony was wasted on u then :| oh dear. Spelling life with a y really isnt THAT cool, sorry but can you please just be a numpty and be quiet about it?
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Paintball-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Paintball-Clock. Every time you get shot when playing, the hands on the clock will move." "Oh" said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" "That's Federov's. The hand have never moved, indicating that he never got shot." "Incredible" said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Robbo's clock. The hands have moved only a few times, telling us that Pete told only got shot a few times in his entire life." "Where's Mr Pink's clock?" asked the man. "Pinkies clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
Piccy
OOOH look im famous
heres a nice selection of jokes from durty dan
Q: How can you tell a tournament player from a recreational player
in a fancy restaurant, when they're BOTH picking their noses?
A: The tournament player picks his nose with his MIDDLE finger.
---
Q: How can you spot the tournament player at a stock game?
A: He's got his twelve gram on a remote.
---
Q: How many tournament players does it take change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he needs a ref to "Check it, check it, check it, check it . . .
---
Q: How many recreational players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten, cause every tournament player knows one pro is worth ten amateurs.
---
Q: How many tournament refs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the stupid, blind refs can't TELL when it's burnt out.
---
Q: How many newbies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they don't know any better, yet.
---
Did you hear about the guy whose wife let him play paintball
as much as he wanted to and didn't complain about how much
money he spent on equipment?
Neither did I.
---
Q: What follows two days of rain?
A: Monday.
---
Did you hear about the two refs who froze to death at the
drive in movie last winter? Apparently, they went to see the
movie "Closed for the Season".
---
-The last tournament I was on was SO rigged . . .
-How rigged was it?
-It was so rigged, the local team had SO many five man teams that
they had run out of normal colours to differentiate them. In fact,
they were up to Field Team Midnight Salmon Sunrise Indigo.
---
SID: That lousy store owner, he sold me a bad batch of paint, kid.
KID: How can you tell?
SID: I can only fit 100 in my 300 round loader!
KID: I'm glad I'm using field paint, I can get 500 in MY 300 round
loader.
---
Q: How can you tell when a Paintballer is exaggerating their prowess on the field?
A: Their lips move.
---
You know you're getting old when you seem to be the only one
around who knows that the Budd Orr Sniper is NOT a pump action
version of the Autococker.
---
Q: How can you tell when you've played far too much recreational paintball?
A: When you're hit with something tossed at you and your
immediate response is to yell, "Bounce! No break!".
---
These two guys are telling paintball "war" stories and are
trying to outdo each other. The stories become more and more
outlandish as the afternoon goes on.
One guy decides to tell a story no one could top, just to put
an end to the whole affair.
"There I was, alone in a fort, with 200 guys surrounding me.
I ran from window to window, shouting and shooting so fast, they
thought the fort was full of guys. It took me seven hours, but I
managed to eliminate all 200."
The second guys rubs his chin and says, "I'll tell you an
amazing story. We were playing a night game and we were on
patrol. We were carrying one of those gas lanterns. We were
wading across this chest deep stream when we came under fire
and one of the guys drops the lantern. Next year, same field, same
stream. I kick something with my foot and I fish it out of the
water. It turns out to be the lantern, and get this, it's still lit!"
The first guys says, "C'mon, how do you expect me to believe
that?"
"Well I tell you what," the second guy says, "You change the
200 players to TWENTY and I'll blow out the lantern."
---
Will: What's the difference between a paintball gun and a thermonuclear device?
Gill: I don't know.
Will: Remind me not to play paintball with you.
---
Q: How can you tell when you've played far too much tournament paintball?
A: When you toss something to someone, and it hits them, your
immediate response is "Check him, check him, check him . . ." .
---
Q: Why do tournament teams always have five players?
A: You need a minimum of Grade 12 to play.
---
Q: How can you tell the difference between an NPPL ref and a normal person, when they're lying dead on the road?
A: The normal person has the skid marks BEFORE the body.
---
Q: What's the difference between a stock game and a semi game?
A: About 3,000 paintballs.
---
Q: What's the difference between a tournament ref and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you cut up the ref.
---
Q: What happens when a tournament player goes from the amateur to the pro division?
A: The IQ raises in both divisions.
---
Q: What's the most important thing a semi owner should have in his parts kit?
A: A pump action paintball gun.
---
Q: What's the difference between an Ultimate Judge and God?
A: God doesn't think He's an Ultimate Judge.
---
Q: What's the difference between a good player and a bad player?
A: Twenty five minutes.
---
Q: Why do tournament players say "Check him, check him . . ."?
A: Because "I hit that guy on the loader" has too many syllables.
---
Q: What do players do, when they can't play worth beans?
A: Write for paintball publications.
OOOH look im famous
heres a nice selection of jokes from durty dan
Q: How can you tell a tournament player from a recreational player
in a fancy restaurant, when they're BOTH picking their noses?
A: The tournament player picks his nose with his MIDDLE finger.
---
Q: How can you spot the tournament player at a stock game?
A: He's got his twelve gram on a remote.
---
Q: How many tournament players does it take change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he needs a ref to "Check it, check it, check it, check it . . .
---
Q: How many recreational players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten, cause every tournament player knows one pro is worth ten amateurs.
---
Q: How many tournament refs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the stupid, blind refs can't TELL when it's burnt out.
---
Q: How many newbies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they don't know any better, yet.
---
Did you hear about the guy whose wife let him play paintball
as much as he wanted to and didn't complain about how much
money he spent on equipment?
Neither did I.
---
Q: What follows two days of rain?
A: Monday.
---
Did you hear about the two refs who froze to death at the
drive in movie last winter? Apparently, they went to see the
movie "Closed for the Season".
---
-The last tournament I was on was SO rigged . . .
-How rigged was it?
-It was so rigged, the local team had SO many five man teams that
they had run out of normal colours to differentiate them. In fact,
they were up to Field Team Midnight Salmon Sunrise Indigo.
---
SID: That lousy store owner, he sold me a bad batch of paint, kid.
KID: How can you tell?
SID: I can only fit 100 in my 300 round loader!
KID: I'm glad I'm using field paint, I can get 500 in MY 300 round
loader.
---
Q: How can you tell when a Paintballer is exaggerating their prowess on the field?
A: Their lips move.
---
You know you're getting old when you seem to be the only one
around who knows that the Budd Orr Sniper is NOT a pump action
version of the Autococker.
---
Q: How can you tell when you've played far too much recreational paintball?
A: When you're hit with something tossed at you and your
immediate response is to yell, "Bounce! No break!".
---
These two guys are telling paintball "war" stories and are
trying to outdo each other. The stories become more and more
outlandish as the afternoon goes on.
One guy decides to tell a story no one could top, just to put
an end to the whole affair.
"There I was, alone in a fort, with 200 guys surrounding me.
I ran from window to window, shouting and shooting so fast, they
thought the fort was full of guys. It took me seven hours, but I
managed to eliminate all 200."
The second guys rubs his chin and says, "I'll tell you an
amazing story. We were playing a night game and we were on
patrol. We were carrying one of those gas lanterns. We were
wading across this chest deep stream when we came under fire
and one of the guys drops the lantern. Next year, same field, same
stream. I kick something with my foot and I fish it out of the
water. It turns out to be the lantern, and get this, it's still lit!"
The first guys says, "C'mon, how do you expect me to believe
that?"
"Well I tell you what," the second guy says, "You change the
200 players to TWENTY and I'll blow out the lantern."
---
Will: What's the difference between a paintball gun and a thermonuclear device?
Gill: I don't know.
Will: Remind me not to play paintball with you.
---
Q: How can you tell when you've played far too much tournament paintball?
A: When you toss something to someone, and it hits them, your
immediate response is "Check him, check him, check him . . ." .
---
Q: Why do tournament teams always have five players?
A: You need a minimum of Grade 12 to play.
---
Q: How can you tell the difference between an NPPL ref and a normal person, when they're lying dead on the road?
A: The normal person has the skid marks BEFORE the body.
---
Q: What's the difference between a stock game and a semi game?
A: About 3,000 paintballs.
---
Q: What's the difference between a tournament ref and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you cut up the ref.
---
Q: What happens when a tournament player goes from the amateur to the pro division?
A: The IQ raises in both divisions.
---
Q: What's the most important thing a semi owner should have in his parts kit?
A: A pump action paintball gun.
---
Q: What's the difference between an Ultimate Judge and God?
A: God doesn't think He's an Ultimate Judge.
---
Q: What's the difference between a good player and a bad player?
A: Twenty five minutes.
---
Q: Why do tournament players say "Check him, check him . . ."?
A: Because "I hit that guy on the loader" has too many syllables.
---
Q: What do players do, when they can't play worth beans?
A: Write for paintball publications.