Is Joe Bob heading for London???? Fear strikes capital city.
Today your intrepid reporter has learned that Joe Bob may be heading for London. Authorities fear that the Church of Joe Bobology has reached these shores, and if unhindered places the biggest threat to Global Security since the Teletubbies Christmas Toy Shortage in 1997. Implicated in various terrorist outrages in Virginia, Metropolitan Police spokesman fear that radical cells of terrorist group Al Bob, may be planning a copycat outrage similar to the 2002 World Cup Salm Sniper incident. In recent raids in and around Crystal Palace, police have found home made supplies of Draxxus Blaze and extra long barrel / pipe fitments. Also found were replica Tippman A-5s, which if modified could become a lethal implement. This prompted the current Governments Party Policy group: NATTNaMCT Club (No Admittance To Those Nasty Markers Called Tippmans), to repeat it's demands for all forms of toys, fun and recreational activities to be banned to prevent the spread of Paintball related violence.
Fundamentalist followers of Joe Bobology, including Jose (I'm not a Columbian drug Dealer with a daft name...honest) Dominguez, and Smally85 (believed to be at the center of the Pete Townsend and Matthew Kelly peodophilia investigations), insist that Joe Bob is a force for good and peace. Speaking from outside the Secular Temple of the Later Day Knights of Joe Bob, Jose Dominquez was quoted as saying "Al Bob call for the complete withdrawal of all American teams from the Millennium series, and the right for European Paintball self determination". When pressed on the fact that "Americans would be rarer than rocking horse sh*t at this year's millenniums", Jose replied "your mothers are all whore's who drop their knickers at the passing of camels". Fearing terrorist attacks at this years Millennium events both Nexus and Russian Legion have also announced their withdrawal.
Little is actually known of the Charismatic leader of Al Bob, although I have managed to ascertain that Joe Bob was in fact born on a trailer park in Virginia to half Cajun Eskimo parents. He lead a relatively uneventful early life, despite numerous appearances on Jerry Springer. It is believed that Joe Bob is currently suffering from acute Mullet hair syndrome, a relatively common genetic disorder in the American Deep South, it is uncommon but not unknown in the north. Experts say that Mullet can be easily cured by frequent visits to the Hairdressers. Although rarely life threatening Mullet syndrome has been linked to wife beating, excessive drinking and bestiality. Already top of PGI's most wanted list, the price on Joe Bob's head has been increased to include an additional 500 paintballs.
In an associated development, tensions in the House of Parliament were running high today when opposition MPs quizzed Tony Blair on the spread of Al Bob. Sources close to Parliament suggest that British covert operatives had in fact been supplying and training Joe Bob with Irony for many years. It is feared that not all the Irony has been accounted for and are worried their pet "whipping boy" maybe about to unleash Irony on the UK population.
The recent state of emergency is linked to the fear that Joe Bob maybe guesting for recently escaped mental patients Monkey Love at this year's Millennium events. An alliance of Monkey Love and Joe Bob would likely bring instability to the entire European Paintball fraternity. Escaped mental patients Monkey Love, were recently spotted in Amsterdam acting in what has been described as an "unusual manner". Two eyed Mullah Gareth and Abu Terry were spotted in a notorious Amsterdam coffee shop smoking their Hemp Slider trousers. Despite heroic attempts to apprehend the duo by Piper of PGI Sharks, they escaped on Sleazy Jet and are now feared to be back in the UK.
More news to follow............
Today your intrepid reporter has learned that Joe Bob may be heading for London. Authorities fear that the Church of Joe Bobology has reached these shores, and if unhindered places the biggest threat to Global Security since the Teletubbies Christmas Toy Shortage in 1997. Implicated in various terrorist outrages in Virginia, Metropolitan Police spokesman fear that radical cells of terrorist group Al Bob, may be planning a copycat outrage similar to the 2002 World Cup Salm Sniper incident. In recent raids in and around Crystal Palace, police have found home made supplies of Draxxus Blaze and extra long barrel / pipe fitments. Also found were replica Tippman A-5s, which if modified could become a lethal implement. This prompted the current Governments Party Policy group: NATTNaMCT Club (No Admittance To Those Nasty Markers Called Tippmans), to repeat it's demands for all forms of toys, fun and recreational activities to be banned to prevent the spread of Paintball related violence.
Fundamentalist followers of Joe Bobology, including Jose (I'm not a Columbian drug Dealer with a daft name...honest) Dominguez, and Smally85 (believed to be at the center of the Pete Townsend and Matthew Kelly peodophilia investigations), insist that Joe Bob is a force for good and peace. Speaking from outside the Secular Temple of the Later Day Knights of Joe Bob, Jose Dominquez was quoted as saying "Al Bob call for the complete withdrawal of all American teams from the Millennium series, and the right for European Paintball self determination". When pressed on the fact that "Americans would be rarer than rocking horse sh*t at this year's millenniums", Jose replied "your mothers are all whore's who drop their knickers at the passing of camels". Fearing terrorist attacks at this years Millennium events both Nexus and Russian Legion have also announced their withdrawal.
Little is actually known of the Charismatic leader of Al Bob, although I have managed to ascertain that Joe Bob was in fact born on a trailer park in Virginia to half Cajun Eskimo parents. He lead a relatively uneventful early life, despite numerous appearances on Jerry Springer. It is believed that Joe Bob is currently suffering from acute Mullet hair syndrome, a relatively common genetic disorder in the American Deep South, it is uncommon but not unknown in the north. Experts say that Mullet can be easily cured by frequent visits to the Hairdressers. Although rarely life threatening Mullet syndrome has been linked to wife beating, excessive drinking and bestiality. Already top of PGI's most wanted list, the price on Joe Bob's head has been increased to include an additional 500 paintballs.
In an associated development, tensions in the House of Parliament were running high today when opposition MPs quizzed Tony Blair on the spread of Al Bob. Sources close to Parliament suggest that British covert operatives had in fact been supplying and training Joe Bob with Irony for many years. It is feared that not all the Irony has been accounted for and are worried their pet "whipping boy" maybe about to unleash Irony on the UK population.
The recent state of emergency is linked to the fear that Joe Bob maybe guesting for recently escaped mental patients Monkey Love at this year's Millennium events. An alliance of Monkey Love and Joe Bob would likely bring instability to the entire European Paintball fraternity. Escaped mental patients Monkey Love, were recently spotted in Amsterdam acting in what has been described as an "unusual manner". Two eyed Mullah Gareth and Abu Terry were spotted in a notorious Amsterdam coffee shop smoking their Hemp Slider trousers. Despite heroic attempts to apprehend the duo by Piper of PGI Sharks, they escaped on Sleazy Jet and are now feared to be back in the UK.
More news to follow............
