Not so much kick ass but the reverse
It's 1988 and I'm a marshal at a small but very funny site. The weather had been incredibly hot for a while and wearing heavy camo was just a nono. Now, if you were around at this time, shell suits were fashionable, honestly they were! so lightweight t shirts with a vented marshal jacket and unlined shell suit trakkie bottoms worked a treat.
Shout goes up.."MARSHALLLL I think I've been hit", I was trim then so got there quite quick. He's behind a straw bale with paint all over his goggles (how he confused that with might be was beyond me) So I'm leaning over this straw bale..(tip to new marshalls, never stand between two sides in line with their fire)..leaning over this straw bale, called the player hit and at that exact second I felt like Elton John on his first date!
An opposition player hadn't seen my marshall vest as I was bending over so took a shot..it hit me bang on dead centre on the poo ring ...but as he was so close it nearly split the seam on the shell suit bottoms. I went down like a sack of spuds, honestly I felt it had punctured my pancreas because it had gone up so far.
Writhing in agony in the floor, the other marshalls stopped the game, came over and then proceeded to laugh so hard I'm sure some had rectal collapse. Luckily it was a nhs day out with a few docs in and once all the players were safely out of the way a doc had a look.
He said in a fake American accent..."what we seem to have here, is a very curious case of the dissapearing paintball". As it turned out , the shell suit bottoms were a loose fit and as the ball hit the poo ring it carried on a bit and took the shell suit bottoms in with it, both giving me a rectal exam. He slowy pulled at the gathers and folds of the shellies and suddenly I had a "pop" momment and the shellie and still complete paintball came out. Much to my colleagues delight, thank god mobiles weren't much around
For weeks I walked like John Wayne and learnt a valuable lesson...don't buy bullseye paint..it's an omen
So as I said, not so much arse kicking moment but more having my arse kicked