Last night I got in touch with my feminine side...
I made myself a sandwich
I made myself a sandwich
2 dyslexic's sitting in thier flat and one turns to the other and says" can you smell gas?" and the other one say "dont be stupid i cant even smell my own name!"
I saw a guy lying unconcious in my street yesterday. I tried doing the hands only CPR the way Vinne Jones showed me on the British Heart Foundation advert. By the time I found my Bee Gee's CD he was dead
I just heard that Bobby Brown was found dead in his Bathroom.....................................................Two can play that game !
I turned round to the wife and asked her '' if i were to win the lottery, what would you do?''
''take half and leave you, why do you ask?'' she said
upon hearing this i added '' well i won a £10, here's a fiver now do one''
''take half and leave you, why do you ask?'' she said
upon hearing this i added '' well i won a £10, here's a fiver now do one''
Did you hear about the dyslexic gay guy.he was gutted when he found out February 14th wasn't Vaseline day.
A man goes to bed and reaches over to his wife.he starts sliding his hand slowly across her back,shoulder,then down her side just glancing her breasts then carries on down her side and legs. He slides her legs apart and slowly runs his hand up and down her inner thigh. He moves back towards the top and stops.
His wife opens her eyes and gasps....
"why did you stop?" he says "found the remote - back to sleep fatty"
A man goes to bed and reaches over to his wife.he starts sliding his hand slowly across her back,shoulder,then down her side just glancing her breasts then carries on down her side and legs. He slides her legs apart and slowly runs his hand up and down her inner thigh. He moves back towards the top and stops.
His wife opens her eyes and gasps....
"why did you stop?" he says "found the remote - back to sleep fatty"
The missus came home steaming drunk last night,
"You up for some role play action babe?" She asked with a wink
"Not really" I replied
"Oh come on" she said, "We can act out ANY scene from ANY film you want"
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake, however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror........
As I shouted "THIS.......IS.......SPARTA!" and kicked her down the stairs.
"You up for some role play action babe?" She asked with a wink
"Not really" I replied
"Oh come on" she said, "We can act out ANY scene from ANY film you want"
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake, however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror........
As I shouted "THIS.......IS.......SPARTA!" and kicked her down the stairs.