Ok first person to make Kitty laugh gets it... cause Bob says so so come on girls make me laugh!
Black peaked sandanna FREE
- Thread starter Bob
- Start date
Subject: 6 TOP ANSWERS OF 2007
6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a
British Airways plane:
"Would you like dinner?" the flight
attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
________________________________
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the
departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand
for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said, "Sir,
I need to see your ticket not your stub."
________________________________
4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these
turkeys get any bigger?" The assistant replied, " I'm afraid not, they're dead."
________________________________
3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and
approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the
bobby said. The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the policeman finally stopped
laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
________________________________
2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a
country road. A sign came up that read " Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he realised it, the bridge was
directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab And said to
the driver,"Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was
delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!"
________________________________
ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded
her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a
serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room
raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter
and snigg3ring. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have
to write with your other hand".
6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a
British Airways plane:
"Would you like dinner?" the flight
attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
________________________________
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the
departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand
for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said, "Sir,
I need to see your ticket not your stub."
________________________________
4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these
turkeys get any bigger?" The assistant replied, " I'm afraid not, they're dead."
________________________________
3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and
approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the
bobby said. The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the policeman finally stopped
laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
________________________________
2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a
country road. A sign came up that read " Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he realised it, the bridge was
directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab And said to
the driver,"Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was
delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!"
________________________________
ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded
her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a
serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room
raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter
and snigg3ring. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have
to write with your other hand".
lol i like the last one
#1 http://youtube.com/watch?v=oPlfzFZGl0o
#2 http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xu2HMo63nyU
ok may not make you laugh but they made me fist time i saw them lol
#1 http://youtube.com/watch?v=oPlfzFZGl0o
#2 http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xu2HMo63nyU
ok may not make you laugh but they made me fist time i saw them lol
Orders have come down from the top: she wants humor not youtube links.
Youtube links are only acceptable if backed up by a re enactment by the poster.
Kitty has spoken (ignore the (wo)man behind the curtains)
Youtube links are only acceptable if backed up by a re enactment by the poster.
Kitty has spoken (ignore the (wo)man behind the curtains)
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the
first girl, 'Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?
She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with
the tip of my finger.'
St.Peter says, 'O.K., dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass
through the gate.'
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, 'Jennifer, have you ever had
any contact with a male organ?'
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled and
stroked one.'
St. Peter says, 'O.K., dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass
through the gate.'
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls.One girl
is pushing her way to the front of the line.When she reaches the front,
St.Peter says, 'Reeva, What seems to be the rush?'
The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to
do it before Jessica sticks her arse in it.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the
first girl, 'Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?
She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with
the tip of my finger.'
St.Peter says, 'O.K., dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass
through the gate.'
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, 'Jennifer, have you ever had
any contact with a male organ?'
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled and
stroked one.'
St. Peter says, 'O.K., dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass
through the gate.'
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls.One girl
is pushing her way to the front of the line.When she reaches the front,
St.Peter says, 'Reeva, What seems to be the rush?'
The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to
do it before Jessica sticks her arse in it.
Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you got to love this!!!!
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? ..
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? ..
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.
They get back to his place,
and as he shows her around his
apartment.
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the
bedroom,
with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy
to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side.
but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,
after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion
builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize
from the middle shelf'
They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.
They get back to his place,
and as he shows her around his
apartment.
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the
bedroom,
with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy
to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side.
but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,
after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion
builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
'Help yourself to any prize
from the middle shelf'
