The Rise and Fool of Nexus
Nexus was a team I created, named, managed, selected all the players, coached and finally abandoned amid controversy of accusations, fraud and downright mutiny.
Were any of those accusations true?
Erm, now I’ve written them down like that, they sound a lot worse than they really were but in essence, they bore a semblance to the truth but whatever sh!t went down, I was probably the main problem.
But it has to be said, making matters worse, were the decisions some of the guys on the team made and so I wasn’t totally to blame.
And looking back, I understand, and have some sympathy for the reasons why they did what they did.
We’ll come to the culmination of that sorry saga later ….
A question of what now?
After I had won my second world cup and world-series medals, I retired from playing pro with Aftershock in 1999 and I was now facing up to a life without playing the professional game of paintball I‘d loved so much.
Facing up to that was a real kick in the paintballs – I always knew I wasn’t gonna be playing at the top forever but when the harsh reality of retirement punches you on the nose, you finally realise you ain’t as good as you thought you were ….. and it sorta fuhks your head up a bit.
I had previously given up boxing because every time I had climbed into the ring, some barstard kept hitting me which I thought was rather uncalled for and somewhat uncouth but at least I didn’t suffer from any withdrawal symptoms when giving boxing up …. but giving up pro paintball was a lot different.
I could never have gotten to the top in boxing but I somehow managed to crawl my way to the top in paintball [more through luck than design, and a large dollop of self-advertising through PGi] and maybe that’s why it affected me more when I did retire.
In January 1999, Renick Miller, team owner and captain of Aftershock had decided to put a five-man team [6 man squad] into the prestigious Canadian event held inside the Toronto Sky-Dome; He had decided to send 6 guys ….. and I wasn’t one of them.
I wanted to play it and couldn’t understand why he hadn’t included me in the squad.
I’m afraid self-delusion got in the way of appreciating the harsh truth that underscored Renick’s decision - he had merely selected the best team for the job.
At that point, I didn’t really question my ability too much because some of the Ironmen guys had asked me to play the event with them when they found out I wasn’t going with Shock but the seeds of doubt had now been planted in my head - why the fuhk hadn’t Renick picked me?
The problem with self-delusion is - you ultimately end up lying to yourself but it seemed that was the lesser of evils to me as against conceding I was past it.
For the first time in my paintball life, I was acutely conscious of how I was playing, as I played.
It’s a curious thing to be self-conscious whilst you are playing paintball because I had always played by the seat of my pants with things seemingly unfolding around me.
I just went with the flow … that’s how it felt anyway.
But when someone questions your basic ability, especially when I was supposed to have been a pretty good player, it turns the mind inward and for anyone who knows anything about the psychology of sporting performance; this introspection can prove disastrous in provoking self-doubt and a consequent lack of confidence.
I was always arrogantly confident all the time I’d been playing because I had always managed to back it up but all that changes when your own mind turns inward.
I was initially pissed off at Renick for not selecting me for the five-man but when the harsh truth percolated through my self-delusion, I eventually accepted his decision and begun contemplating my next move … and that first move was to leave Aftershock.
The thought of being asked to leave the team was too much for me to bear but I think most people realised I was on the other side of the hill by then and so I didn’t really save that much face by leaving of my own accord.
Playing professional paintball had consumed me for well over 10 years, I had won everything there was to win and then some but then, you wake up one day and it was all gone.
I would never play serious pro again ....
For the first time in my paintball life, I didn’t know what to do, what to aim for, or even how to handle this most public of exclusions … I was now being dragged kicking and screaming into the land of the Has-Beens … Noooooooo !!!!!! ….
However, I did have some form of compensation because I was still the US editor of PGi and so I could continue writing for them - that provided me with a much-needed parachute back down to earth.
As every one of you who reads this account will know, this sport of ours gets under your skin – it is for all intents and purposes, a drug, and I had been addicted to it for many years, and now the withdrawal symptoms were kicking in and I was clucking like a cold-turkey … I thought I better keep a low profile come Christmas time.
The human mind seems to have this unerring ability to torture itself because all I could think of for a few months were all the things that makes paintball great, things like the adrenaline rush we get as our heartbeat follows the countdown from 5 through to 1 waiting for ‘game on’ to be screamed across the field; It feels like someone has pulled the bottom of your stomach out - your mouth runs dry and you can feel the clock steal those final seconds just before the head-judge's lungs fill with air and screams, 'Game on' !!!!
That collective emotion and camaraderie a team feels when winning the greatest of all paintball events, the World Cup – it all came flooding back into my head to torment me.
Eventually, those feelings began to subside and I somehow managed to gain a practical perspective on my retirement.
I had previously believed nothing could be more adrenaline-surging than when I used to box when waiting for the ref to shout, ‘fight’ ……. the sane part of you is screaming ‘run Pete, run, get the fuhk out of there’ ….. but there’s something inside us that needs that challenge, we need that danger of the unknown, it gives new perspective to an otherwise predictable and banal life …… in those few seconds as the count descends toward the ref’s resounding scream of ‘fight’, there is an unrivalled clarity of focus and fear - we’re little more than adrenaline junkies.
And so it was with paintball ….. this is why we compete …. this is why paintball becomes more akin to a drug than a sporting indulgence, leastwise tournament ball is.
The only viable alternative [in my head] was to coach a pro team but before I did that, I had to own one.
I wasn’t gonna coach a team for someone else, it would have to be my own team… it also had to be a team that could compete at the top, after all, that’s where I had spent my entire pro career, playing at the very top.
I had no inclination of putting a team together to compete as amateurs or novices – I mean no disrespect to novices and amateurs but it weren’t for me, basically, I needed to hit the ground running with a pro team regardless of the status of the players who would make up the team.
Mind you, it wasn’t as if I could just go and buy a pro team off the shelf - I didn’t really know how I was gonna do it but like a lot of times in life, opportunities arise and this is exactly what happened.
I’ve been an extremely lucky man in paintball as something always used to happen at the right time and this was just such an example.
Normally, pro team owners have a lot more money than I do, I was skint, I didn’t own a paintball company and at the time, all I did was write for PGi and was their US editor and that wasn’t gonna finance a pro team … but then 2002 arrived, and with it, came a man with a plan .. and that man was Richmond Italia.
Enter Richmond Italia …..
I received a phone call out of the blue from him; what I could not have known was this phone call was about to change my paintball life … and also, the landscape of UK pro paintball. Sounds a bit grandiose I know but it’s essentially true …
I was already friends with Richmond as I’d got to know him when I was playing for Aftershock in the States - he was well known in the US even though he lived in Canada - he owned an indoor site up there in the wastelands of our abandoned colony and he used to hold an annual indoor event that a few of the American pro teams used to attend. Richmond is an entrepreneur and a visionary, I had always liked him because there were no airs or graces with him, he was extremely sociable and extremely bright.
Richmond is an extremely successful businessman and not the megalomaniac type, he doesn’t crave power like some people in our industry - Richmond craves innovation and success; he thrives on the social side of paintball and it’s no accident, that’s where he does a lot of his business …. However, Rich wasn’t content with just owning a paintball site, he would also move onto becoming a paint distributor in Canada which eventually convinced him to invest in buying a few paintball manufacturing machines and going into the paint production business himself.
His company was called ProCaps, his paint was called Diablo and it went from strength to strength becoming one of the top paint companies in Northern America in such a disgustingly short period of time.
There was something about Richmond that made you realise there was more to him than just another baller or promoter; as to what it was?
Time would inevitably tell …
Richmond invented X-Ball, this is where he took the contemporary format of paintball as it was back then [2002], he turned it upside down, kicked the living sh!t out of it, pumped it full of steroids and X-Ball was born, a 5-man arena-based derivative of the game as it was then. Richmond had long since realised that if he was ever to get paintball on TV, he would need to dramatically overturn the existing format and he achieved this by introducing a repackaged game of paintball whereby a real-time electronic scoreboard kept pace with a series of mini-matches between teams.
The games were to be much shorter and would be part of a set with points for each game within that set.
Richmond’s vision was crystal-clear – he was going to get tournament paintball, X-ball onto TV.
To launch his new creation, he needed a ‘bells and whistles’ event and so he chose Pittsburgh to host paintball’s newfound revolution. He invited 8 national teams from across the world of Paintball with all the usual suspects in attendance. Richmond ended up asking me if I wanted to be the head-coach and to select the team to represent the UK … actually, it might have been me begging him for over an hour before he gave up and let me be the coach .. either way, I snapped it up in a heartbeat.
Now, back home in Merry Ole England, this appointment did not make certain parties all that happy because they believed they should be representing the UK at this inaugural X-Ball event but seeing as I was gonna be selecting the players, they knew damned well I wasn’t gonna pick any of them.
‘Them’ being, the Tigers, as the team was back then in 2002.
To be fair to them, they were Richmond’s factory team over here in the UK and when I was made the head-coach, I think it safe to say, all the Tigers crossed me off their Christmas card list .. Ignoring all the crap that went down, I had decided to go for young players, fit and fast because I realised quite quickly, this new game of X-ball wasn’t for hippos but we were gonna need some experienced heads, that’s for sure.
My first selections for this national team were the easiest, Ledzy from Planet was my first, I had known him ever since the Banzai Bandits hit town back in the mid to late nineties and I had always liked the way he captained his team.
He’s an easy going and engaging guy and so I thought he can be the captain of the UK Squad – everybody likes Ledz.
He was also a ‘balls to the wall’ baller and would bunker you in a heartbeat which was a virtue that would prove invaluable in this new game. I also had to have Jack Wood, he also works at Planet, he’s the guy who designs all of the Planet markers but the reason I picked him was, he was the most intelligent baller I knew of in the UK, I realise I wasn’t exactly spoiled for choice but Jack really is a smart guy both on the field and off. – he may not have the technical supremacy of the best players in the world but he had an unrivalled paintball brain - he was the consummate smart-baller and a frikkin great guy to have around.
These were two pro players who had been playing for many years … they were my ‘experienced’ players. To back-fill the rest of the team’s spots, I held well-publicised trials up and down the country. This was the first time anything like this had ever been done in the UK and provoked huge interest that I kept stoked in the magazine, PGi, and also on p8ntballer.com.
We had hundreds of hopefuls making the trips to the trials in 3 locations up and down the country.
Long story short, I picked up 7 amateurs and novice players, the majority of whom, I selected within the first minute or so of watching them play …there’s something about good players in the way they move and hold their marker; if you watch enough good/great players then you’ll see what I mean.
Somewhere during the recruitment phase of the UK X-Ball team it dawned on me to maybe try and keep the guys together to form a new UK pro team, but a different breed of pro team.
Most teams grow organically, they start playing together, some leave, some more join, and over a period of time, a team identity is established.
I told a few of the players of my idea and they seemed to like it but I was a long way from consolidating anything.
First, I had to get the X–Ball thing outa the way.
The major problem we had was time, after the team was selected, we had a matter of a month or so - I only had one training opportunity with them before the actual X-Ball event, it was obviously nowhere near enough time but that’s what it was.
All I had was raw talent and a handful of prayers going into the International X-Ball event in Pittsburgh, … the truth was, I knew at the back of my mind, the raw talent guys [the amateurs and novice players] couldn’t be trained in that window and so I just crossed my fingers and hoped we’d click and not clunk.
As we stepped onto the plane to go westward, the knives back home were being sharpened if we failed to do well …… we all knew the score.
The aggrieved Tigers were always gonna moan and bitch no matter how we did but bottom line was, we were flying westward, they had their asses glued to the UK.
We went to Pittsburgh with great expectations and the support of the vast majority of the UK players … well, maybe not the Tigers’ support but the rest of UK guys backed us.
We got to Pittsburgh and we were allowed to train for one afternoon before the event, that was the limit of our preparation.
I suppose expectations were a little misplaced when considering who we were going up against and how long they had all trained together.
The likes of the Yanks and the Russkies had all been training longer and harder because of the way their team had been put together and financed.
I must add something here, if it hadn’t been for Ged Green of WDP and Matt Tudor, of PGi – we could never have made it to the US without them because they stumped up hard cash for us to make the trip .. I’m still grateful to this day for what they did…
We didn’t disgrace ourselves at the event but we didn’t do as well as I expected or hoped, something wasn’t clicking for sure and even though I saw glimpses of what I was after, the results spoke for themselves and my hopes had taken a right good ass-kicking but maybe I was expecting too much, in fact, that’s exactly what I was doing.
We did however achieve the fastest game of the event when beating the Russian Legion in 17 seconds which was an indicator of how best to set the team up for X-Ball but that lesson came too late.
By the time we got back to the UK, the knives were out and happily slicing away with some keyboard wannabees beginning their assault on p8ntballer.com.
Of course, I could have easily been criticised on the basis I took too many amateurs and novices, they might have been right to criticise but the X–Ball event was a rites of passage for the team, a means to an end, that end being the UK’s new pro team on the block.
We came back home and I wondered if I was doing the right thing – the players by then, had all committed to this new pro team but the signs weren’t all that encouraging and I’m sure some of the guys must have felt, ‘holy crap, what have we done’.
If I was to create this new pro team, I knew I had to do things right or pack up and stay at home.
The proposition was ludicrous of course, how the heck was a team made up of mostly amateurs and novices gonna compete at the top in such a short time?
For some reason, the guys believed we could do it – I knew I could if given enough time but exactly how long was that gonna be?
All I knew for sure was, it would eventually click but I couldn’t guarantee it would click in our first year ….As for getting the team sufficient sponsorship to compete at the top?
My pitch to the industry was simple, a new era was dawning in paintball [X-Ball], it was obvious we needed a different demographic of paintballer – if I targeted raw young fit talent, then I could shape them into what I knew was needed for this new format.
One other factor might have helped convince prospective sponsors to come on board and that was the magazine, PGi. I was the US editor back then and I suppose this led prospective sponsors to believe I would be giving a lot of coverage to my team and them … and they were right, I did.
However, sponsorship is a two-way street, and although I was mates with all my sponsors already, they realised I could give something back.
A classic example of ‘you scratch my back …… ‘
That first year’s sponsor package amounted to something like $150,000 for 2003.
In 2004, I think we were nudging $200k which sounds a ridiculous amount these days but the figure was retail ... but even so, we were a$shole lucky to get that but back then, other teams were given a lot more .. it was absolutely free paintball for all the players - different times eh?
At that time, the recession hadn’t hit town and so companies were sympathetic to substantial sponsorship deals because they all believed paintball was going mainstream on TV and they all wanted to stake their claim and jump on a pro-team bandwagon .. It seems a lot I know, and that’s because it is but it needed to be because we were gonna be participating in the inaugural NPPL event in Huntington Beach – flights, hotels, hire cars and sundries like paint and markers all had to be acquired. We were gearing up for a year of playing all the Millenniums and all the NPPL events, it weren’t cheap.
The players lapped it all up … The pro teams back in the UK weren't as enthusiastic for our cause unsurprisingly
Our first event was in Huntington Beach, California in 2003.
It was the inaugural event of NPPL series that was promoted by Ged Green and Chuck Hendsch.
It was an amazing event, made more so because it was held on the beach itself – Ged Green had once again reset the bar for all promoters.
Long story short, we did ok’ish, nothing brilliant but we had a strange result that was to give us a clue as to what we were doing wrong. In that event, we lost to several yank amateur teams who had hit us hard off the break – we had been playing what used to be described as a Euro-ball style, basically, you sit tight, shoot fools and then go for it …. It wasn’t as positive as the Yanks but the Ton Tons got to the final at that event against Dynasty and we had beaten the Ton Tons in the prelims … and so this was a bit of an anomaly for me to figure out why.
How could we beat an eventual finalist but lose to some Yank amateur teams in the prelims?
I would ponder this for some days before I realised what was going on.
Finally, it dawned on me, the reason we beat the Ton Tons was simple, our style of play, that of being technically proficient, made it easier for us to deal with the Ton Tons, who were playing that same Euro style of counter-punch paintball.
We had set up to sit behind bunkers, duke it out and win by attrition.
But, if you got some kid who flies out from behind his bunker and nails your ass as you sit on your ass, then it doesn’t matter how technically proficient you are, you’re gonna be taking your armband off.
I had to change our style of play, we needed to attack from the beginning of each and every game but still making sure the technical side of our performance was adhered to.
We came back, had three training sessions and were good to go to Vegas for our next NPPL. I had relentlessly drilled the guys using the three A’s of paintball, attack, attack, attack.
At Vegas, we blasted everyone from the start, we done superbly, better than any other Euro team had done up till then [in the modern game, not woodland] we beat the Russians along with other Yank pro teams, we missed out on the finals by only a few points but what a change …. We had matured inside 6 weeks and I knew Nexus had arrived in the pro paintball scene … we came home with most people being happy we did well – there were some who had to grit their teeth but fuhk ‘em, they were nobodies …. At least, the UK had a team that compete at the very top and for us all to be proud of and get behind.
To end that first year off, we played at the Campaign Cup here at Crystal Palace in the UK.
The Russians were there, the top Yank teams present and of course all the top Euro teams. We smashed our way into fourth place pro overall beating the Russians again and a host of other pros on the way, I had never been so proud of my team, they were truly fantastic and the UK fans seemed appreciative that we finally had a team that could compete at the top .. we had come of age in one year.
Whether you liked Nexus or not, whether you liked me or not, that fourth place was the greatest achievement by a UK team in the modern game at that time.
We went onto get second place in the German Millennium I think a year or so later and so I knew we weren't' a flash in the pan.
I think we finished the NPPL’s ranking in 7th place pro overall in our first year, I was kinda happy for my players.
I also breathed a huge sigh of relief because all those friends in the industry who had sponsored and financed the team had been rewarded.
Nexus, in their signature blue Dye gear became the new poster boys … we were covered in all the Euro press and the US magazines also … we had come of age in an unnaturally short time. I was soooo proud of my guys, each and every one did brilliant.
In all the time I owned Nexus, we had a lot of people wanting us to fail, we all knew this but we got on regardless but the irony was, a lot of those people had indirectly asked if they could join us …. Ah!!!!!
Fat fukin chance of that happening.
Within that first year, Nexus was arguably the top Euro team, we had beaten the Russians twice and lost to them twice and so we were tied in that respect.
We also had a sponsorship package to die for.
In fact, we had a great sponsor deal with Planet and Dye, and early in 2004 we were approached by one of Dye’s competitors and offered more than double what Dye were giving us .. and trust me, that was an awful lot of dosh, in fact, it was six figure dosh, dollars of course.
There was no way in this world, I was gonna leave Dye because they had jumped on board from the very start, as did Planet. I was never gonna be disloyal to those guys. I turned down the deal that was offered and we never looked back.
And so where, and why, did it all go wrong??
Natural question I suppose ....
One of the reasons was in 2005-6, Ledz, our captain had to retire from playing which meant I had to take over the organisation of the team … I was sh!te at that stuff and besides, we had lost our captain, Ledz was more than just a player for us, he was our heart, he kept us going … and when I was left in total control, the die was cast, and we took our position at the top of the hill, and I expertly prepared the team to slide right down it …..
At this time also, my love for the sport was diminishing under the pernicious influence of designer cheating.
We knew the top Yank pro teams were running with cheat boards on their markers, it was so obvious every time you played against a team with cheat boards.
These markers were now so smart that you could fire full-auto when ‘game on’ was shouted and as soon as the player stopped firing, the cheat would disappear into the chip code only to be resurrected when a specific key sequence of inputs to the marker had been initiated.
The judges had no chance of catching them and so our beloved game of paintball was now being reduced to whoever had the best cheat-code.
Every time we played in the NPPL, and the ‘game on’ was screamed across the field, you could hear the difference in the markers - our guys were using semi-auto firing and the opponents were supposed to be doing the same but they weren’t, they were on full-auto and there was not a damn thing we, or the judges, or the promoters could do about it; in some cases, the industry was wholly and wilfully complicit .. they worked upon the premise that if others were doing it, then they had to be doing it as well.
It was sickening, the spirit of paintball was being dragged through one of the most cynical periods our sport has ever undergone … … We were faced with a choice, to be, or not to be, that was the question.
I didn't want Nexus to cheat ...
Even some of the guys on the team were pleading with Ledz and myself to jump on the cheat-chip bandwagon but I can honestly say, we never went down that road.
Ledz and I were adamant, we should not use cheat markers and so we had to go and play a game of paintball where the dice was always gonna be loaded, I hated it …. During that period, the designer-cheating had then become so pervasive, it began to be accepted, and when that happens, it was time for me to get out … There was a sickening irony to this and it was, other teams seriously believed we ran cheat guns as well and weren’t prepared to entertain the fact we were running clean markers.
They were basically tarring us with their own sh!t-laden brush – now, I weren’t the best behaved baller of all time and I might have clumped a few deserving individuals in my time but I was never gonna sink so low and have my team use cheat guns – and nor would Ledz.
We had to face up to investing all our efforts into playing in the NPPL where we knew we couldn’t compete fairly – it seemed to bother me more than it did some members of the team but that was because some of them just liked playing in the US and the fact we were being cheated didn’t affect them in the same way as it affected me or Ledz.
Mood Swings ….
One thing I hadn’t expected was how I was going to deal with watching my guys play at events.
I was, by far, the worst possible person to be alongside the team at the tourneys.
I carried waaay too much baggage; every time we lost a game, I took it personally, every sleight against my team on the forums, I would take it personally ….. the guys on the team ended up just waiting for the next explosion and I think it got to them, it must have.
It would have been much better for the team if I had just trained the team in the UK and then have Ledzy take over at events, it would have been much better for me to be nowhere near the team at events .. I wish I knew then what I know now.
I think my temperament killed our team’s spirit.
Another unforeseen problem was also my fault, the brand ‘Nexus’ [in paintball terms] had gotten way out of proportion and that was down to myself and the way I would cover the team in the magazine, PGi.
We were plastered across the media as if we were the ten-time world champs .. and the truth was of course, we weren’t, nowhere near.
I knew deep down we couldn’t beat the top American pro teams and so all the hype was fast becoming a burden as against an endorsement of our success.
We were sponsored by some top companies and they would use us for their promo, not so much for the American market but at that time, we were the poster boys for any European marketing.
And so, ad after ad had us in the magazines, and article after article [with more than a little help from myself] was covering us as well.
The writing was slowly appearing on the wall and when one of my friends, Magued Idris, had a discrete word in my ear, things began to change for me.
Magued owned and coached Joy Division, one of the most successful European pros of all time, they won NPPL events and lord knows what else and so I respected Magued and his guys.
He once took me to one side at an event and asked if he could have a word in my ear - he said something like, ‘Pete, I’m not gonna slag you off or tell you what to do but there’s too much Nexus in PGi, it's gone too far mate’ … Coming from anyone else, I would have thought it was just plain jealousy being spouted but Magued’s not like that- I could always trust Magued
His words were spoken for my protection, not because he wanted to put me down in any way.
I’ll never forget that because it must have been hard for him to come up and tell me that especially when he knew how I felt about my team and the magazine … The penny plopped right into my lap .. and he was right .. I had always respected Magued as a man and as a player and if any other person in paintball apart from Rich Telford or Ledz had told me what Magued did, I would have probably told them to ‘fuhk off and mind their own business’ …
From that point on, my tenure with the team was coming to an end …… as was my love for the team, it had become a monster, and one that I had created. I ended up letting things slide and had decided I didn’t really want to go to any more events with the team and this culminated with one of the most regretted incidents in paintball, leastwise with me it was.
The Abbott Affair ..
Nexus were in Paris to play the Millennium, I had stayed at home …. that was the first problem – the guys on the team had felt somewhat abandoned, and rightly so I suppose .. I had lost faith in myself and also the team but I don’t mean I lost faith with the players of Nexus, I mean, I lost faith with my ability to manage/coach Nexus in any responsible and professional manner at events.
I was genuinely tired with it all and I suppose I was just phasing myself out ...
There were just too many things going on in and around the team and I no longer felt the way I had done in the past about the team.
The problem in Paris hinged upon the entry fee - it hadn’t been paid and so the guys were kinda left high and dry; Jeff Abbott was then working for Dye and had helped out on a previous occasions but this was different, the entry fee had to be paid but looking back, I could have probably called Steve Baldwin up [Steve is one of the owners of the Millennium] and asked for a favour which I am sure he would have done but I just didn’t wanna do that.
Anyway, Jeff stepped up and paid the entry fee, or rather Dye did but Jeff sanctioned it.
The problem developed because the guys on the team wanted to take control of the team in terms of ownership.
I wasn’t exactly helping the situation but ….they didn’t own the team, I did, but circumstances were now clouding issues of loyalty and trust.
I can understand their feelings but there was a principle of ownership involved here and no matter how frustrated the players had become, it didn’t warrant any of them stealing ownership - In essence, it wasn’t their property, it was mine.
All they had to do was to call me, but I can understand their reluctance.
They were basically carrying out a coup d’état, ‘mutiny’ by any other name.
But to gain control they needed to commit to an act of fraud that had them declare on notepaper that I wasn’t the owner of the team anymore.
A letter was handed over the Millennium guys at the event stating that I was no longer the owner and the deed was done .. problem was, it was a lie, I was still the owner.
Lord only knows what they were thinking because they knew I’d have to find out at some stage and they must have realised I wasn’t gonna be happy with it all.
Whatever the reason, they went along with it …. unfortunately for the team, the two people they were trying to convince I had given up ownership were Laurent Hamet and Steve Baldwin who were both owners of the Millennium and also, both good friends of mine.
Steve and Laurent smelled a rat and realised that something wasn’t right.
If I had relinquished ownership, Steve and Laurent knew damned well I would have told them already … but I hadn’t. And so, one of them called me up at home to tell me what they were trying to do, and the insurrection was out - I was not a happy man when I found out what they had done.
Looking back, I had every right to be angry but I think the whole sorry saga went on for too long and that was down to me.I’m not a forgiving sort of person in that respect.
As for what happened with Jeff Abbott???
For one reason or another, Jeff took the brunt of my anger - I understand what he did was the good of the team, I appreciate that but, I deserved a call - It was regrettable to say the least.
Hindsight tends to provide all the answers and maybe I would have done things differently in the sense of ending the dispute between myself and Jeff sooner but it’s easy to look back and see the right course to take, it’s not so easy when emotions are running high, and they ran too high for too long.
I'm genuinely sorry for the way it went over such an extended period of time.
I ended up selling the team to Dave Youngblood a month or so after the Paris debacle and my ties were finally cut from the team that had meant far too much to me.
As for any legacy?
Without a doubt, Nexus reset the bar for UK paintball.
Nobody in the UK had ever trained like us, nobody had committed like us … and nobody was sponsored like us ….. we had it all and then some. We also achieved what no other team in paintball had achieved in the modern game and that was to break into the world’s top ten pros in that first year, made up predominantly of amateurs and novices.
Regrets?
Erm … sh!t loads !
Nexus changed the face of UK ball because it showed exactly what could be achieved if you know what you are doing and you can recruit the right people, even if those people are relative beginners.
The Yanks loved us over there, we even had our own fan club in the US but some of the people over here?
They hated us …. Go figure :/
Maybe some people just didn’t like the fact I was involved with the team that made them so negative toward us and I can understand that but there’s always an option for them.
And that’s to start their own team, get it sponsored, train them to pro level and then to gain a top ten place in the first year …. When they can do that, I’ll accept any due criticism.
As some bright spark once commented, ‘insults can only hurt me if I respect the person who’s making them’ …. And for the most part, I didn’t.
But in the background of any success story, there are an awful lot of people who have helped pave the way, I have an awfully long list of people to thank for helping Nexus and in no particular order, here they are:-
To Ledz, Jack, Bo, Jamie, Mark, Junior, Chrissie, Nicky T, Tommy, the original boys in blue.
To Ged Green and Matt Tudor for their help in helping the UK X-Ball team.
I have a list as long as my arm of things I need to thank Matt for but I better keep it brief so as not to bore too many people who have stuck thus far in reading this account.
To Billy Ceranski and Dave Youngblood for allowing us to represent their companies, Kee and Dye - I hope we gave something back.
To Steve Duffy and Ian Miller for their support on the magazine during some stressful times.
To Richmond, Steve Baldwin and Laurent for helping on many, many occasions.
To Pipes …….. for being there.
To Jon and Jackie Sosta, thanks Jax, you know what for
To Magued, for the word in the ear.
To Rich Telford, for being a stand-up guy and being one of my many friends Stateside.
To Nick at Skirmish for the use of his site during our team’s birthing rites.
And to Jim, for the kick up the ass ... cheers for that !
And finally, to my guys …. the original Nexus team, I wanna thank them for the best of times - I’ll take the rap for the worst of times, well, most of it anyways.
It was emotional …
Nexus was a team I created, named, managed, selected all the players, coached and finally abandoned amid controversy of accusations, fraud and downright mutiny.
Were any of those accusations true?
Erm, now I’ve written them down like that, they sound a lot worse than they really were but in essence, they bore a semblance to the truth but whatever sh!t went down, I was probably the main problem.
But it has to be said, making matters worse, were the decisions some of the guys on the team made and so I wasn’t totally to blame.
And looking back, I understand, and have some sympathy for the reasons why they did what they did.
We’ll come to the culmination of that sorry saga later ….
A question of what now?
After I had won my second world cup and world-series medals, I retired from playing pro with Aftershock in 1999 and I was now facing up to a life without playing the professional game of paintball I‘d loved so much.
Facing up to that was a real kick in the paintballs – I always knew I wasn’t gonna be playing at the top forever but when the harsh reality of retirement punches you on the nose, you finally realise you ain’t as good as you thought you were ….. and it sorta fuhks your head up a bit.
I had previously given up boxing because every time I had climbed into the ring, some barstard kept hitting me which I thought was rather uncalled for and somewhat uncouth but at least I didn’t suffer from any withdrawal symptoms when giving boxing up …. but giving up pro paintball was a lot different.
I could never have gotten to the top in boxing but I somehow managed to crawl my way to the top in paintball [more through luck than design, and a large dollop of self-advertising through PGi] and maybe that’s why it affected me more when I did retire.
In January 1999, Renick Miller, team owner and captain of Aftershock had decided to put a five-man team [6 man squad] into the prestigious Canadian event held inside the Toronto Sky-Dome; He had decided to send 6 guys ….. and I wasn’t one of them.
I wanted to play it and couldn’t understand why he hadn’t included me in the squad.
I’m afraid self-delusion got in the way of appreciating the harsh truth that underscored Renick’s decision - he had merely selected the best team for the job.
At that point, I didn’t really question my ability too much because some of the Ironmen guys had asked me to play the event with them when they found out I wasn’t going with Shock but the seeds of doubt had now been planted in my head - why the fuhk hadn’t Renick picked me?
The problem with self-delusion is - you ultimately end up lying to yourself but it seemed that was the lesser of evils to me as against conceding I was past it.
For the first time in my paintball life, I was acutely conscious of how I was playing, as I played.
It’s a curious thing to be self-conscious whilst you are playing paintball because I had always played by the seat of my pants with things seemingly unfolding around me.
I just went with the flow … that’s how it felt anyway.
But when someone questions your basic ability, especially when I was supposed to have been a pretty good player, it turns the mind inward and for anyone who knows anything about the psychology of sporting performance; this introspection can prove disastrous in provoking self-doubt and a consequent lack of confidence.
I was always arrogantly confident all the time I’d been playing because I had always managed to back it up but all that changes when your own mind turns inward.
I was initially pissed off at Renick for not selecting me for the five-man but when the harsh truth percolated through my self-delusion, I eventually accepted his decision and begun contemplating my next move … and that first move was to leave Aftershock.
The thought of being asked to leave the team was too much for me to bear but I think most people realised I was on the other side of the hill by then and so I didn’t really save that much face by leaving of my own accord.
Playing professional paintball had consumed me for well over 10 years, I had won everything there was to win and then some but then, you wake up one day and it was all gone.
I would never play serious pro again ....
For the first time in my paintball life, I didn’t know what to do, what to aim for, or even how to handle this most public of exclusions … I was now being dragged kicking and screaming into the land of the Has-Beens … Noooooooo !!!!!! ….
However, I did have some form of compensation because I was still the US editor of PGi and so I could continue writing for them - that provided me with a much-needed parachute back down to earth.
As every one of you who reads this account will know, this sport of ours gets under your skin – it is for all intents and purposes, a drug, and I had been addicted to it for many years, and now the withdrawal symptoms were kicking in and I was clucking like a cold-turkey … I thought I better keep a low profile come Christmas time.
The human mind seems to have this unerring ability to torture itself because all I could think of for a few months were all the things that makes paintball great, things like the adrenaline rush we get as our heartbeat follows the countdown from 5 through to 1 waiting for ‘game on’ to be screamed across the field; It feels like someone has pulled the bottom of your stomach out - your mouth runs dry and you can feel the clock steal those final seconds just before the head-judge's lungs fill with air and screams, 'Game on' !!!!
That collective emotion and camaraderie a team feels when winning the greatest of all paintball events, the World Cup – it all came flooding back into my head to torment me.
Eventually, those feelings began to subside and I somehow managed to gain a practical perspective on my retirement.
I had previously believed nothing could be more adrenaline-surging than when I used to box when waiting for the ref to shout, ‘fight’ ……. the sane part of you is screaming ‘run Pete, run, get the fuhk out of there’ ….. but there’s something inside us that needs that challenge, we need that danger of the unknown, it gives new perspective to an otherwise predictable and banal life …… in those few seconds as the count descends toward the ref’s resounding scream of ‘fight’, there is an unrivalled clarity of focus and fear - we’re little more than adrenaline junkies.
And so it was with paintball ….. this is why we compete …. this is why paintball becomes more akin to a drug than a sporting indulgence, leastwise tournament ball is.
The only viable alternative [in my head] was to coach a pro team but before I did that, I had to own one.
I wasn’t gonna coach a team for someone else, it would have to be my own team… it also had to be a team that could compete at the top, after all, that’s where I had spent my entire pro career, playing at the very top.
I had no inclination of putting a team together to compete as amateurs or novices – I mean no disrespect to novices and amateurs but it weren’t for me, basically, I needed to hit the ground running with a pro team regardless of the status of the players who would make up the team.
Mind you, it wasn’t as if I could just go and buy a pro team off the shelf - I didn’t really know how I was gonna do it but like a lot of times in life, opportunities arise and this is exactly what happened.
I’ve been an extremely lucky man in paintball as something always used to happen at the right time and this was just such an example.
Normally, pro team owners have a lot more money than I do, I was skint, I didn’t own a paintball company and at the time, all I did was write for PGi and was their US editor and that wasn’t gonna finance a pro team … but then 2002 arrived, and with it, came a man with a plan .. and that man was Richmond Italia.
Enter Richmond Italia …..
I received a phone call out of the blue from him; what I could not have known was this phone call was about to change my paintball life … and also, the landscape of UK pro paintball. Sounds a bit grandiose I know but it’s essentially true …
I was already friends with Richmond as I’d got to know him when I was playing for Aftershock in the States - he was well known in the US even though he lived in Canada - he owned an indoor site up there in the wastelands of our abandoned colony and he used to hold an annual indoor event that a few of the American pro teams used to attend. Richmond is an entrepreneur and a visionary, I had always liked him because there were no airs or graces with him, he was extremely sociable and extremely bright.
Richmond is an extremely successful businessman and not the megalomaniac type, he doesn’t crave power like some people in our industry - Richmond craves innovation and success; he thrives on the social side of paintball and it’s no accident, that’s where he does a lot of his business …. However, Rich wasn’t content with just owning a paintball site, he would also move onto becoming a paint distributor in Canada which eventually convinced him to invest in buying a few paintball manufacturing machines and going into the paint production business himself.
His company was called ProCaps, his paint was called Diablo and it went from strength to strength becoming one of the top paint companies in Northern America in such a disgustingly short period of time.
There was something about Richmond that made you realise there was more to him than just another baller or promoter; as to what it was?
Time would inevitably tell …
Richmond invented X-Ball, this is where he took the contemporary format of paintball as it was back then [2002], he turned it upside down, kicked the living sh!t out of it, pumped it full of steroids and X-Ball was born, a 5-man arena-based derivative of the game as it was then. Richmond had long since realised that if he was ever to get paintball on TV, he would need to dramatically overturn the existing format and he achieved this by introducing a repackaged game of paintball whereby a real-time electronic scoreboard kept pace with a series of mini-matches between teams.
The games were to be much shorter and would be part of a set with points for each game within that set.
Richmond’s vision was crystal-clear – he was going to get tournament paintball, X-ball onto TV.
To launch his new creation, he needed a ‘bells and whistles’ event and so he chose Pittsburgh to host paintball’s newfound revolution. He invited 8 national teams from across the world of Paintball with all the usual suspects in attendance. Richmond ended up asking me if I wanted to be the head-coach and to select the team to represent the UK … actually, it might have been me begging him for over an hour before he gave up and let me be the coach .. either way, I snapped it up in a heartbeat.
Now, back home in Merry Ole England, this appointment did not make certain parties all that happy because they believed they should be representing the UK at this inaugural X-Ball event but seeing as I was gonna be selecting the players, they knew damned well I wasn’t gonna pick any of them.
‘Them’ being, the Tigers, as the team was back then in 2002.
To be fair to them, they were Richmond’s factory team over here in the UK and when I was made the head-coach, I think it safe to say, all the Tigers crossed me off their Christmas card list .. Ignoring all the crap that went down, I had decided to go for young players, fit and fast because I realised quite quickly, this new game of X-ball wasn’t for hippos but we were gonna need some experienced heads, that’s for sure.
My first selections for this national team were the easiest, Ledzy from Planet was my first, I had known him ever since the Banzai Bandits hit town back in the mid to late nineties and I had always liked the way he captained his team.
He’s an easy going and engaging guy and so I thought he can be the captain of the UK Squad – everybody likes Ledz.
He was also a ‘balls to the wall’ baller and would bunker you in a heartbeat which was a virtue that would prove invaluable in this new game. I also had to have Jack Wood, he also works at Planet, he’s the guy who designs all of the Planet markers but the reason I picked him was, he was the most intelligent baller I knew of in the UK, I realise I wasn’t exactly spoiled for choice but Jack really is a smart guy both on the field and off. – he may not have the technical supremacy of the best players in the world but he had an unrivalled paintball brain - he was the consummate smart-baller and a frikkin great guy to have around.
These were two pro players who had been playing for many years … they were my ‘experienced’ players. To back-fill the rest of the team’s spots, I held well-publicised trials up and down the country. This was the first time anything like this had ever been done in the UK and provoked huge interest that I kept stoked in the magazine, PGi, and also on p8ntballer.com.
We had hundreds of hopefuls making the trips to the trials in 3 locations up and down the country.
Long story short, I picked up 7 amateurs and novice players, the majority of whom, I selected within the first minute or so of watching them play …there’s something about good players in the way they move and hold their marker; if you watch enough good/great players then you’ll see what I mean.
Somewhere during the recruitment phase of the UK X-Ball team it dawned on me to maybe try and keep the guys together to form a new UK pro team, but a different breed of pro team.
Most teams grow organically, they start playing together, some leave, some more join, and over a period of time, a team identity is established.
I told a few of the players of my idea and they seemed to like it but I was a long way from consolidating anything.
First, I had to get the X–Ball thing outa the way.
The major problem we had was time, after the team was selected, we had a matter of a month or so - I only had one training opportunity with them before the actual X-Ball event, it was obviously nowhere near enough time but that’s what it was.
All I had was raw talent and a handful of prayers going into the International X-Ball event in Pittsburgh, … the truth was, I knew at the back of my mind, the raw talent guys [the amateurs and novice players] couldn’t be trained in that window and so I just crossed my fingers and hoped we’d click and not clunk.
As we stepped onto the plane to go westward, the knives back home were being sharpened if we failed to do well …… we all knew the score.
The aggrieved Tigers were always gonna moan and bitch no matter how we did but bottom line was, we were flying westward, they had their asses glued to the UK.
We went to Pittsburgh with great expectations and the support of the vast majority of the UK players … well, maybe not the Tigers’ support but the rest of UK guys backed us.
We got to Pittsburgh and we were allowed to train for one afternoon before the event, that was the limit of our preparation.
I suppose expectations were a little misplaced when considering who we were going up against and how long they had all trained together.
The likes of the Yanks and the Russkies had all been training longer and harder because of the way their team had been put together and financed.
I must add something here, if it hadn’t been for Ged Green of WDP and Matt Tudor, of PGi – we could never have made it to the US without them because they stumped up hard cash for us to make the trip .. I’m still grateful to this day for what they did…
We didn’t disgrace ourselves at the event but we didn’t do as well as I expected or hoped, something wasn’t clicking for sure and even though I saw glimpses of what I was after, the results spoke for themselves and my hopes had taken a right good ass-kicking but maybe I was expecting too much, in fact, that’s exactly what I was doing.
We did however achieve the fastest game of the event when beating the Russian Legion in 17 seconds which was an indicator of how best to set the team up for X-Ball but that lesson came too late.
By the time we got back to the UK, the knives were out and happily slicing away with some keyboard wannabees beginning their assault on p8ntballer.com.
Of course, I could have easily been criticised on the basis I took too many amateurs and novices, they might have been right to criticise but the X–Ball event was a rites of passage for the team, a means to an end, that end being the UK’s new pro team on the block.
We came back home and I wondered if I was doing the right thing – the players by then, had all committed to this new pro team but the signs weren’t all that encouraging and I’m sure some of the guys must have felt, ‘holy crap, what have we done’.
If I was to create this new pro team, I knew I had to do things right or pack up and stay at home.
The proposition was ludicrous of course, how the heck was a team made up of mostly amateurs and novices gonna compete at the top in such a short time?
For some reason, the guys believed we could do it – I knew I could if given enough time but exactly how long was that gonna be?
All I knew for sure was, it would eventually click but I couldn’t guarantee it would click in our first year ….As for getting the team sufficient sponsorship to compete at the top?
My pitch to the industry was simple, a new era was dawning in paintball [X-Ball], it was obvious we needed a different demographic of paintballer – if I targeted raw young fit talent, then I could shape them into what I knew was needed for this new format.
One other factor might have helped convince prospective sponsors to come on board and that was the magazine, PGi. I was the US editor back then and I suppose this led prospective sponsors to believe I would be giving a lot of coverage to my team and them … and they were right, I did.
However, sponsorship is a two-way street, and although I was mates with all my sponsors already, they realised I could give something back.
A classic example of ‘you scratch my back …… ‘
That first year’s sponsor package amounted to something like $150,000 for 2003.
In 2004, I think we were nudging $200k which sounds a ridiculous amount these days but the figure was retail ... but even so, we were a$shole lucky to get that but back then, other teams were given a lot more .. it was absolutely free paintball for all the players - different times eh?
At that time, the recession hadn’t hit town and so companies were sympathetic to substantial sponsorship deals because they all believed paintball was going mainstream on TV and they all wanted to stake their claim and jump on a pro-team bandwagon .. It seems a lot I know, and that’s because it is but it needed to be because we were gonna be participating in the inaugural NPPL event in Huntington Beach – flights, hotels, hire cars and sundries like paint and markers all had to be acquired. We were gearing up for a year of playing all the Millenniums and all the NPPL events, it weren’t cheap.
The players lapped it all up … The pro teams back in the UK weren't as enthusiastic for our cause unsurprisingly
Our first event was in Huntington Beach, California in 2003.
It was the inaugural event of NPPL series that was promoted by Ged Green and Chuck Hendsch.
It was an amazing event, made more so because it was held on the beach itself – Ged Green had once again reset the bar for all promoters.
Long story short, we did ok’ish, nothing brilliant but we had a strange result that was to give us a clue as to what we were doing wrong. In that event, we lost to several yank amateur teams who had hit us hard off the break – we had been playing what used to be described as a Euro-ball style, basically, you sit tight, shoot fools and then go for it …. It wasn’t as positive as the Yanks but the Ton Tons got to the final at that event against Dynasty and we had beaten the Ton Tons in the prelims … and so this was a bit of an anomaly for me to figure out why.
How could we beat an eventual finalist but lose to some Yank amateur teams in the prelims?
I would ponder this for some days before I realised what was going on.
Finally, it dawned on me, the reason we beat the Ton Tons was simple, our style of play, that of being technically proficient, made it easier for us to deal with the Ton Tons, who were playing that same Euro style of counter-punch paintball.
We had set up to sit behind bunkers, duke it out and win by attrition.
But, if you got some kid who flies out from behind his bunker and nails your ass as you sit on your ass, then it doesn’t matter how technically proficient you are, you’re gonna be taking your armband off.
I had to change our style of play, we needed to attack from the beginning of each and every game but still making sure the technical side of our performance was adhered to.
We came back, had three training sessions and were good to go to Vegas for our next NPPL. I had relentlessly drilled the guys using the three A’s of paintball, attack, attack, attack.
At Vegas, we blasted everyone from the start, we done superbly, better than any other Euro team had done up till then [in the modern game, not woodland] we beat the Russians along with other Yank pro teams, we missed out on the finals by only a few points but what a change …. We had matured inside 6 weeks and I knew Nexus had arrived in the pro paintball scene … we came home with most people being happy we did well – there were some who had to grit their teeth but fuhk ‘em, they were nobodies …. At least, the UK had a team that compete at the very top and for us all to be proud of and get behind.
To end that first year off, we played at the Campaign Cup here at Crystal Palace in the UK.
The Russians were there, the top Yank teams present and of course all the top Euro teams. We smashed our way into fourth place pro overall beating the Russians again and a host of other pros on the way, I had never been so proud of my team, they were truly fantastic and the UK fans seemed appreciative that we finally had a team that could compete at the top .. we had come of age in one year.
Whether you liked Nexus or not, whether you liked me or not, that fourth place was the greatest achievement by a UK team in the modern game at that time.
We went onto get second place in the German Millennium I think a year or so later and so I knew we weren't' a flash in the pan.
I think we finished the NPPL’s ranking in 7th place pro overall in our first year, I was kinda happy for my players.
I also breathed a huge sigh of relief because all those friends in the industry who had sponsored and financed the team had been rewarded.
Nexus, in their signature blue Dye gear became the new poster boys … we were covered in all the Euro press and the US magazines also … we had come of age in an unnaturally short time. I was soooo proud of my guys, each and every one did brilliant.
In all the time I owned Nexus, we had a lot of people wanting us to fail, we all knew this but we got on regardless but the irony was, a lot of those people had indirectly asked if they could join us …. Ah!!!!!
Fat fukin chance of that happening.
Within that first year, Nexus was arguably the top Euro team, we had beaten the Russians twice and lost to them twice and so we were tied in that respect.
We also had a sponsorship package to die for.
In fact, we had a great sponsor deal with Planet and Dye, and early in 2004 we were approached by one of Dye’s competitors and offered more than double what Dye were giving us .. and trust me, that was an awful lot of dosh, in fact, it was six figure dosh, dollars of course.
There was no way in this world, I was gonna leave Dye because they had jumped on board from the very start, as did Planet. I was never gonna be disloyal to those guys. I turned down the deal that was offered and we never looked back.
And so where, and why, did it all go wrong??
Natural question I suppose ....
One of the reasons was in 2005-6, Ledz, our captain had to retire from playing which meant I had to take over the organisation of the team … I was sh!te at that stuff and besides, we had lost our captain, Ledz was more than just a player for us, he was our heart, he kept us going … and when I was left in total control, the die was cast, and we took our position at the top of the hill, and I expertly prepared the team to slide right down it …..
At this time also, my love for the sport was diminishing under the pernicious influence of designer cheating.
We knew the top Yank pro teams were running with cheat boards on their markers, it was so obvious every time you played against a team with cheat boards.
These markers were now so smart that you could fire full-auto when ‘game on’ was shouted and as soon as the player stopped firing, the cheat would disappear into the chip code only to be resurrected when a specific key sequence of inputs to the marker had been initiated.
The judges had no chance of catching them and so our beloved game of paintball was now being reduced to whoever had the best cheat-code.
Every time we played in the NPPL, and the ‘game on’ was screamed across the field, you could hear the difference in the markers - our guys were using semi-auto firing and the opponents were supposed to be doing the same but they weren’t, they were on full-auto and there was not a damn thing we, or the judges, or the promoters could do about it; in some cases, the industry was wholly and wilfully complicit .. they worked upon the premise that if others were doing it, then they had to be doing it as well.
It was sickening, the spirit of paintball was being dragged through one of the most cynical periods our sport has ever undergone … … We were faced with a choice, to be, or not to be, that was the question.
I didn't want Nexus to cheat ...
Even some of the guys on the team were pleading with Ledz and myself to jump on the cheat-chip bandwagon but I can honestly say, we never went down that road.
Ledz and I were adamant, we should not use cheat markers and so we had to go and play a game of paintball where the dice was always gonna be loaded, I hated it …. During that period, the designer-cheating had then become so pervasive, it began to be accepted, and when that happens, it was time for me to get out … There was a sickening irony to this and it was, other teams seriously believed we ran cheat guns as well and weren’t prepared to entertain the fact we were running clean markers.
They were basically tarring us with their own sh!t-laden brush – now, I weren’t the best behaved baller of all time and I might have clumped a few deserving individuals in my time but I was never gonna sink so low and have my team use cheat guns – and nor would Ledz.
We had to face up to investing all our efforts into playing in the NPPL where we knew we couldn’t compete fairly – it seemed to bother me more than it did some members of the team but that was because some of them just liked playing in the US and the fact we were being cheated didn’t affect them in the same way as it affected me or Ledz.
Mood Swings ….
One thing I hadn’t expected was how I was going to deal with watching my guys play at events.
I was, by far, the worst possible person to be alongside the team at the tourneys.
I carried waaay too much baggage; every time we lost a game, I took it personally, every sleight against my team on the forums, I would take it personally ….. the guys on the team ended up just waiting for the next explosion and I think it got to them, it must have.
It would have been much better for the team if I had just trained the team in the UK and then have Ledzy take over at events, it would have been much better for me to be nowhere near the team at events .. I wish I knew then what I know now.
I think my temperament killed our team’s spirit.
Another unforeseen problem was also my fault, the brand ‘Nexus’ [in paintball terms] had gotten way out of proportion and that was down to myself and the way I would cover the team in the magazine, PGi.
We were plastered across the media as if we were the ten-time world champs .. and the truth was of course, we weren’t, nowhere near.
I knew deep down we couldn’t beat the top American pro teams and so all the hype was fast becoming a burden as against an endorsement of our success.
We were sponsored by some top companies and they would use us for their promo, not so much for the American market but at that time, we were the poster boys for any European marketing.
And so, ad after ad had us in the magazines, and article after article [with more than a little help from myself] was covering us as well.
The writing was slowly appearing on the wall and when one of my friends, Magued Idris, had a discrete word in my ear, things began to change for me.
Magued owned and coached Joy Division, one of the most successful European pros of all time, they won NPPL events and lord knows what else and so I respected Magued and his guys.
He once took me to one side at an event and asked if he could have a word in my ear - he said something like, ‘Pete, I’m not gonna slag you off or tell you what to do but there’s too much Nexus in PGi, it's gone too far mate’ … Coming from anyone else, I would have thought it was just plain jealousy being spouted but Magued’s not like that- I could always trust Magued
His words were spoken for my protection, not because he wanted to put me down in any way.
I’ll never forget that because it must have been hard for him to come up and tell me that especially when he knew how I felt about my team and the magazine … The penny plopped right into my lap .. and he was right .. I had always respected Magued as a man and as a player and if any other person in paintball apart from Rich Telford or Ledz had told me what Magued did, I would have probably told them to ‘fuhk off and mind their own business’ …
From that point on, my tenure with the team was coming to an end …… as was my love for the team, it had become a monster, and one that I had created. I ended up letting things slide and had decided I didn’t really want to go to any more events with the team and this culminated with one of the most regretted incidents in paintball, leastwise with me it was.
The Abbott Affair ..
Nexus were in Paris to play the Millennium, I had stayed at home …. that was the first problem – the guys on the team had felt somewhat abandoned, and rightly so I suppose .. I had lost faith in myself and also the team but I don’t mean I lost faith with the players of Nexus, I mean, I lost faith with my ability to manage/coach Nexus in any responsible and professional manner at events.
I was genuinely tired with it all and I suppose I was just phasing myself out ...
There were just too many things going on in and around the team and I no longer felt the way I had done in the past about the team.
The problem in Paris hinged upon the entry fee - it hadn’t been paid and so the guys were kinda left high and dry; Jeff Abbott was then working for Dye and had helped out on a previous occasions but this was different, the entry fee had to be paid but looking back, I could have probably called Steve Baldwin up [Steve is one of the owners of the Millennium] and asked for a favour which I am sure he would have done but I just didn’t wanna do that.
Anyway, Jeff stepped up and paid the entry fee, or rather Dye did but Jeff sanctioned it.
The problem developed because the guys on the team wanted to take control of the team in terms of ownership.
I wasn’t exactly helping the situation but ….they didn’t own the team, I did, but circumstances were now clouding issues of loyalty and trust.
I can understand their feelings but there was a principle of ownership involved here and no matter how frustrated the players had become, it didn’t warrant any of them stealing ownership - In essence, it wasn’t their property, it was mine.
All they had to do was to call me, but I can understand their reluctance.
They were basically carrying out a coup d’état, ‘mutiny’ by any other name.
But to gain control they needed to commit to an act of fraud that had them declare on notepaper that I wasn’t the owner of the team anymore.
A letter was handed over the Millennium guys at the event stating that I was no longer the owner and the deed was done .. problem was, it was a lie, I was still the owner.
Lord only knows what they were thinking because they knew I’d have to find out at some stage and they must have realised I wasn’t gonna be happy with it all.
Whatever the reason, they went along with it …. unfortunately for the team, the two people they were trying to convince I had given up ownership were Laurent Hamet and Steve Baldwin who were both owners of the Millennium and also, both good friends of mine.
Steve and Laurent smelled a rat and realised that something wasn’t right.
If I had relinquished ownership, Steve and Laurent knew damned well I would have told them already … but I hadn’t. And so, one of them called me up at home to tell me what they were trying to do, and the insurrection was out - I was not a happy man when I found out what they had done.
Looking back, I had every right to be angry but I think the whole sorry saga went on for too long and that was down to me.I’m not a forgiving sort of person in that respect.
As for what happened with Jeff Abbott???
For one reason or another, Jeff took the brunt of my anger - I understand what he did was the good of the team, I appreciate that but, I deserved a call - It was regrettable to say the least.
Hindsight tends to provide all the answers and maybe I would have done things differently in the sense of ending the dispute between myself and Jeff sooner but it’s easy to look back and see the right course to take, it’s not so easy when emotions are running high, and they ran too high for too long.
I'm genuinely sorry for the way it went over such an extended period of time.
I ended up selling the team to Dave Youngblood a month or so after the Paris debacle and my ties were finally cut from the team that had meant far too much to me.
As for any legacy?
Without a doubt, Nexus reset the bar for UK paintball.
Nobody in the UK had ever trained like us, nobody had committed like us … and nobody was sponsored like us ….. we had it all and then some. We also achieved what no other team in paintball had achieved in the modern game and that was to break into the world’s top ten pros in that first year, made up predominantly of amateurs and novices.
Regrets?
Erm … sh!t loads !
Nexus changed the face of UK ball because it showed exactly what could be achieved if you know what you are doing and you can recruit the right people, even if those people are relative beginners.
The Yanks loved us over there, we even had our own fan club in the US but some of the people over here?
They hated us …. Go figure :/
Maybe some people just didn’t like the fact I was involved with the team that made them so negative toward us and I can understand that but there’s always an option for them.
And that’s to start their own team, get it sponsored, train them to pro level and then to gain a top ten place in the first year …. When they can do that, I’ll accept any due criticism.
As some bright spark once commented, ‘insults can only hurt me if I respect the person who’s making them’ …. And for the most part, I didn’t.
But in the background of any success story, there are an awful lot of people who have helped pave the way, I have an awfully long list of people to thank for helping Nexus and in no particular order, here they are:-
To Ledz, Jack, Bo, Jamie, Mark, Junior, Chrissie, Nicky T, Tommy, the original boys in blue.
To Ged Green and Matt Tudor for their help in helping the UK X-Ball team.
I have a list as long as my arm of things I need to thank Matt for but I better keep it brief so as not to bore too many people who have stuck thus far in reading this account.
To Billy Ceranski and Dave Youngblood for allowing us to represent their companies, Kee and Dye - I hope we gave something back.
To Steve Duffy and Ian Miller for their support on the magazine during some stressful times.
To Richmond, Steve Baldwin and Laurent for helping on many, many occasions.
To Pipes …….. for being there.
To Jon and Jackie Sosta, thanks Jax, you know what for
To Magued, for the word in the ear.
To Rich Telford, for being a stand-up guy and being one of my many friends Stateside.
To Nick at Skirmish for the use of his site during our team’s birthing rites.
And to Jim, for the kick up the ass ... cheers for that !
And finally, to my guys …. the original Nexus team, I wanna thank them for the best of times - I’ll take the rap for the worst of times, well, most of it anyways.
It was emotional …
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