One for my fellow Californians an' tha Scottish

[TJ Lambini]

40 degrees-Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Scotland sunbathe.
35 degrees-Italian cars won't start.
People in Scotland drive with the windows down.
20 degrees-Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.
15 degrees-Californians begin to evacuate the state.
People in Scotland go swimming.
Zero degrees-New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Scotland have the last bbq before it gets cold.
10 degrees below zero-People in Miami cease to exist.
People in Scotland lick flagpoles.
20 degrees below zero-Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.
80 degrees below zero-Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic.
Scottish Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
100 degrees below zero-Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Scotland pull down their ear flaps.
173 degrees below zero-Ethyl alcohol freezes.
People in Scotland get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
297 degrees below zero-Microbial life starts to disappear.
Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 degrees below zero-ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Scotland start saying "chilly, you cauld an aw?"
500 degrees below zero-Hell freezes over.
Scottish support England in the World Cup

 

[jamphi24]

LMAO Very good

 

[Al Woods]

TJ

Dude, I thought I was bored sh..witless.

 

[TJ Lambini]

Just had 5 minutes to mill before I got to go an train tha Special Forces in hand-to-hand combat and then go on a night pball exercise to sharpen Flashpoint's reflexes an promote instinctive play...you know, same old ****, different day.

L8ter all

 

[Tony]

It's all a lie!!

> People in Scotland sunbathe

I have never in my life seen a suntanned jock!!!
Apart from Seen Canary, and I think that's out of a bottle......

 

[Liz]

Well, they do get sort of weather-beaten. But they don't take clothes off for sunbathing, they just turn the kilt up a couple of inches.

 

[Tyger]

TJ : You've got the thermometer all wrong....

No, it's more like this :

+50 / +10
* New York tenants turn on the heat
* Minnesotans plant gardens

+40 / +4
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Minnesotans sunbathe

+35 / +2
* Italian cars don't start

+32 / 0
* Distilled water freezes

+30 / -1
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation in Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
* Minnesotans eat ice cream

+25 / -4
* Boston water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you

+20 / -7
* Cleveland water freezes
* San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
* Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

+15 / -10
* You plan a vacation in Acapulco
* Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* Minnesotans go swimming

+10 / -12
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the car going

0 / -18
* New York landlords turn on the heat
* Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!

-5 / -21
* You can hear your breath
* You plan a vacation in Hawaii

-10 / -23
* American cars don't start
* Too cold to skate

-15 / -26
* You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
* Miamians cease to exist
* Minnesotans lick flagpoles

-20 / -29
* Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
* Politicians actually do something about the homeless
* People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens

-25 / -32
* Too cold to kiss
* You need jumper cables to get the driver going
* Japanese cars don't start
* Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training

-30 / -34
* You plan a two-week hot bath
* Pilsener freezes
* Bock beer production begins
* Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

-38 / -39
* Mercury freezes
* Too cold to think
* Minnesotans button top button

-40 / -40
* Californians disappear
* Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* Minnesotans put on sweaters

-50 / -46
* Congressional hot air freezes
* Alaskans close the bathroom window
* Green Bay Packers practice indoors

-60 / -51
* Walruses abandon Aleutians
* Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
* Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
* Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

-70 / -57
* Glaciers in Central Park
* Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
* Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie

-80 / -62
* Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
* Rhinelander Birkebeiner
* Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

-90 / -68
* Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
* Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
* Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer

-100 / -73
* Santa Claus abandons North Pole
* Minnesotans pull down earflaps

-173 / -114
* Ethyl alcohol freezes
* Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans

-297 / -183
* Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
* Microbial life survives only on dairy products

-445 / -265
* Superconductivity

-452 / -269
* Helium becomes a liquid

-454 / -270
* Hell freezes over

-456 / -271
* Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90

-458 / -272
* Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution

-460 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
* All atomic motion ceases
* Minnesotans allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy

-Tyger (Who lived in Minnesota, now in Wisconsin, and sharing a state with 1/5 billion cows makes it warmer here for some reason... And "Fargo" was a good doccumentary yah...)

 

[Sid]

Cold, in Scotland, never mate, have to get you boys up here, obviously in the summer so you lot don't need to od in the thermal underwear department.

Sid

 

[Baca Loco]

You may know Cali and Scotland but...

Originally posted by TJ Lambini

20 degrees-Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.

In Forida--
Anything under 70 degrees the retirees put on their sweaters
Under 60 degrees Moms bundle up the kids
Under 50 degrees and the state considers closing the schools
and 20 degrees obviously signifies the coming of the Apocalypse. (The extensive drop-out population would stand around in amazement going, "Dude, do you see that? There's smoke coming outta my mouth and I'm not smoking. Yeah dude, me too!")
Moo

PS--p8ntballer ought to start charging Tyger by the column inch. A real money-maker!

 

[Tyger]

My dearest man who would be cow :

Dear Baca :



-Tyger