Important News From The White House

[South Park News]

This is a state of emergency. We go now to the White House for an announcement from the President of The United States.

GEORGE BUSH JNR: My fellow Americans, at five a.m. today, a day which will live in infamy, the Canadians have bombed the Baldwins. In response to this, the U.S. has declared war on Canada.
Now it is time for us to send a message to Canadians. In two days time, the war criminals Terrance and Phillip will be executed.
And now, I’d like to bring up my newly-appointed secretary of offence, Ms. Sheila Broflovski.

SHEILA: My fellow Americans, our neighbour to the north has abused us for the last time!

BUSH: I have a plan-

SHEILA: Canadians want to…

BUSH: As commander in chief [drowned out by Sheila]

SHEILA: …fight us, because we won’t tolerate their potty-mouths. Well! If it is war they want, then war they shall have!

 

[TJ Lambini]

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks over and
says, "Wow, this is a real honour. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III. No messing around this time. This time
we're going to kill 40 million Iraqis and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why on earth would you kill a
blonde with big tits?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass!
I told you no one would worry about 40 million bloody Iraqis! Let's RUMBLE!"

 

[South Park News]

Latest news just in!!!

In the sleepy stoner provence of So Cal a throw back rocker, has just cracked the oldest joke in existance. When contacted for a comment he was unavailable. We have contacted MR Mckay, South parks local Councillor and part time psycho-terrorist hand he had this to say.
"It appears that Tj appears to be stuck in a timewarp. Although he has a understanding of the worlds current events, He refuses to believe that we are no longer in the 80's. This could be due to all the best things in his life happened in this decade, and as such he does not want to be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century. His use of Old jokes revamped with current characters also betrays his reluctance to accept the current date.
I would suggest that MR Lambini either contacts a local head doctor or gives up the weed.
Drugs are BAd MMM Okaaay"

Given the quote by Mr Mckay this could be the last broadcast by the S.P.N. Although stay tuned just in case more breaking news comes in

 

[TJ Lambini]

Dude, Dokken, Enuff Znuff and Poison are still touring...so who's stuck in tha eighties now?

Er, did I win?