Virgo,
Mars is waning in your 5th quarter bringing Neptune into your living room.
Beware of trucks going to Kent and small girls with machetes. Pain may also come from behind a stand-up.
In your love life their may be turmoil as your partner discovers your love for goats.
Your lucky number isn't 17.
Gemini,
The rapid decent of Uranus leads to embarrassment on public transport while Mercury's rising leads to an official police caution.
Avoid travelling this month as people may laugh at your dress sense.
Your love life will remain on hold after an experiment with liquid CO2 has the wrong effect.
Your lucky number is 17,328 to the power of Tuesday