Welcome To P8ntballer.com
The Home Of European Paintball
Sign Up & Join In

e-humour

Joao Duro

Joao Duro

New Member
Jul 11, 2001
132
0
0
Portugal
Visit site
Got this in my e-mail:

Cork Radio Station (in Ireland), 96 FM, was running a competition to find contestants who could come up with words that were not found in any English Dictionary yet could still use these words in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali for a week.
The DJ, Neil, had many callers; the following two standing out:

DJ: 96FM, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, me name's Dave.
DJ: Dave, what is your word?
Caller: Goan spelt G O A N, pronounced "go-an"
DJ: We are just checking that (pause) and you are correct, Dave, Goan is
certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip for two to Bali, is, what sentence can you use that in that would make logical sense?
Caller: GOAN f@ck yourself!
At this point the DJ cuts the caller short and announces that there is no place for that sort of language on a family show.


After many more unsuccessful calls the DJ takes the following caller:

DJ: 96FM, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, me name's Jeff.
DJ: Jeff, what is your word?
Caller: Smee spelt S M E E, pronounced "smee".
DJ: We are checking that (pause) and you are correct, Jeff, Smee is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip for two to Bali, is, what sentence can you use that in that would make logical sense?

Caller: SMEE again! GOAN f@ck yourself!"


Sorry guys, couldn't help it:D
 
K

Kevin

MK Storm
Apr 12, 2002
568
1
43
Leeds
www.stormpaintballteam.co.uk
check this out.

>A radio station in Australia recently ran a phone-in competition to >find
>the most embarrassing moments in listeners lives. The following are the
>final four place getters:
>
>4th place
>
>”While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
>some >>pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold
of >her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
>told her that if she didn’t start behaving herself right now, she would be
>punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just
>as >>threatening, “If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
>saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!”. The silence was deafening,
>after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
>doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with
my >daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me
>were the screams of laughter.”
>
>
>3rd place
>
>”It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my
>parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for
a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
>telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her
>a >>piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we
>didn’t have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs,
>the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled “surprise”.
>My entire family, ... aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my
>friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot
in >a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since
>then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.”
>
>
>2nd place
>
>”A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
>up >>to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag.
>Imagine >>her embarrassment when the checker got on the public address system and
>boomed out for all the store to hear. “PRICE CHECK ON LANE 13. TAMPAX,
>SUPERSIZE.” That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
>apparently misunderstood the word “Tampax” for “Thumbtacks”. In a very
>business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the public address system: DO
>YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND
YOU BELT IN WITH >A >>HAMMER?”
>
>
>
>AND THE WINNER IS!
>
>This one happened at a major Australian University in October last year.
In >a biology lecture, a professor was discussing the high glucose levels
found >in semen. A young female freshman, raised her hand and asked, “If I
>understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen,
as >in sugar?” “That’s correct.” responded the professor, going on to add some
>statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn’t
>it taste sweet?” After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out
>laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realised exactly what
>she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books,
>and >>without a word walked out of the class, and never returned. However, as
she >was going out of the door, the professor’s reply was a classic. Totally
>straight-faced, he answered her question, “It doesn’t taste sweet because
>the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the
>back of your throat!
:)
 
Tom Tom

Tom Tom

Damn you ALL
Jul 27, 2001
1,157
3
63
46
Waterlooville
www.thinkingfortuesday.com
Ahh the Urban Myth of Radio or any where else.

Another good one though..............

A couple were being tested to see how "in-tune" they were with each other and so the DJ asked 3 questions first to the man then did the womans answers tie in to his could they win the cruise.

Question 1) How often do you have sex.

Man: bout 3 times a week
Woman: I'd say 3/4 times a week

Question 2) When was the last time you had sex?

Man: Just b4 work this morning
Woman:We had finished breakfast and we had it b4 John left

Question 3) Where did you have sex?

Man: In the Kitchen

Woman: I don't know if I can answer that.
DJ: Its for the £5000 cruise of a lifetime
Woman: I hope my family isn't listening
DJ: So whats your final answer
Woman: Up the ar$e

Great stories but most of them are Un true
 
guppy

guppy

Banned
Apr 3, 2002
745
0
0
Maidstone, Kent
Visit site
Most embarrasing moment

Totally paintball un-realted but worth a laugh before it gets deleted. Also absolutely true...

One of many visits to swimming pool with my sister. She got out ahead of me & said she will see me in the shower. I swam a few more lengths & got out & went to the showers. I crept up on my sister who had taken off her swimsuit & was shampooing her hair. For a laugh, I put on a 'dirty' voice & said 'cor lovely arse' as i pinched my sisters naked bum. She turned around...Yes! it WASN'T my sister!!!!! Actually that was my SECOND most embarrassing moment, i couldn't possibly tell anyone the most embarrassing!!! (well only for a LOT of money!)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom