Pete, we will have to find some seats at the bar one night and work out these industry issues over umpteen drinks while you're there.
Then we can take Kitty round back and teach her some respeck Missy Q style, or if you like, I'll do the teaching, and you can rub your eyes and wonder if its really happening....
..and for the signings, just do what I do and have a stamp made. It will save you from RSI